Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnikis an American comedian, television host, writer, producer, actor and podcast personality. He is known for his dark comedy style, which emphasizes misdirection, non sequiturs, biting insults, an arrogant demeanour, and a stage persona that frequently takes amoral stances...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth22 December 1978
CityPittsburgh, PA
CountryUnited States of America
girlfriend yelling trying
I'm trying to teach my girlfriend how to surf. But I just end up yelling at her the whole time. Because I don't know how to surf.
girlfriend sex complaining
My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex. We're not even that loud. But he used to date my girlfriend.
girlfriend dinner restaurants
When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I'm happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.
girlfriend lying guy
I had to break up with my last girlfriend for lying about being raped by her neighbor. But I've met her neighbor, he's a cool guy. Not like her other creepy ass neighbor though...
girlfriend past years
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.
baby girlfriend body
My girlfriend asked me if I only love her for her body. I said no, baby. Just parts of it.
baby girlfriend home
Every night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a houseplant in our apartment.' And every night, I make her return it. I say, 'No way, baby. You can't take care of a houseplant. You couldn't even keep your baby alive.'
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.
girlfriend yesterday subway
I feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it.
girlfriend my-girlfriend worried
I'm getting pretty worried. My girlfriend hasn't gotten her period. And she's already 14.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
girlfriend men want
My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
girlfriend hate night
I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic.
mom girlfriend brother
My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.