Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnikis an American comedian, television host, writer, producer, actor and podcast personality. He is known for his dark comedy style, which emphasizes misdirection, non sequiturs, biting insults, an arrogant demeanour, and a stage persona that frequently takes amoral stances...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth22 December 1978
CityPittsburgh, PA
CountryUnited States of America
baby girlfriend body
My girlfriend asked me if I only love her for her body. I said no, baby. Just parts of it.
baby girlfriend home
Every night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a houseplant in our apartment.' And every night, I make her return it. I say, 'No way, baby. You can't take care of a houseplant. You couldn't even keep your baby alive.'
mother baby get-away
I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
cute baby hurt
My sister just had a baby, a little newborn. The kid is adorable, so cute. She wouldn't let me hold him, she refuses. She says, 'No way, Anthony, I'm afraid you're gonna drop him.' I'm 32 years old. Like I'm some kind of idiot. Like I don't have a million other ways to hurt that baby.
baby thinking wife
I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.
comics people takes time trying
I'm not just offensive, I'm very smart about the way that I do it, and that takes a lot of time. People say that young comics shouldn't be trying these things. That's ridiculous. You should try everything and see what sticks.
fodder guy offensive raise tension topics using
I'm not the voice of reason; I'm more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.
jobs crazy men
Charlie Sheen called his boss on 'Two and a Half Men' a 'Jew ki**' and expected to go back to work. That’s crazy. If you could do that and keep your job, then everybody would do it.
kids cruise holmes
Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.
growing-up matter offensive
I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could attest.
team player boston
Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be a team player.
writing comedian want
I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.
voice guy topics
Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.