Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
advances dash equal foot measure retreats soldier
DRAGOON, n. A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal measure that he makes his advances on foot and his retreats on horseback.
advance against army army-and-navy emotions generating king replied tactics
OFFENSIVE, adj. Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations, as the advance of an army against its enemy."Were the enemy's tactics offensive?" the king asked. "I should say so!" replied the unsuccessful general. "The blackguard wouldn't come out of his works!
advance agent british dear detestable esteemed far funeral highly name nobleman pie reaper sermon undone whose
PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.Cold pie was highly esteemed by the remains. --Rev. Dr. Mucker(in a funeral sermon over a British nobleman)Cold pie is a detestable American comestible. That's why I'm done --or undone -- So far from that dear London.(from the headstone of a British nobleman in Kalamazoo)
advances along feet path pitfalls prepared system
GRAMMAR, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.
advance calculated
INEXPEDIENT, adj. Not calculated to advance one's interests.
conversation display fair intent mental minor observe
CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.
believes civilization ingenious inventor
An inventor is a person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
call carried connection curable doses outward recovered repentance small
ENTHUSIASM, n. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience. Byron, who recovered long enough to call it "entuzy-muzy," had a relapse, which carried him off --to Missolonghi.
connection curable doses outward repentance small
Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.
feast good matter
ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.Enough is as good as a feast --for that matter Enougher's as good as a feast for the platter. --Arbely C. Strunk
animal awhile balance barren bunch burial casket cheat country dead death doomed egyptians enriching fertile gases incapable lawn locking man meantime modern natural ought rose shall step supporting thereby vegetable vegetation violet
Embalm, v.: To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dead and thereby deranging the natural balance between animal and vegetable life, the Egyptians made their once fertile and populous country barren and incapable of supporting more than a meagre crew. The modern metallic burial casket is a step in the same direction, and many a dead man who ought now to be ornamenting his neighbor's lawn as a tree, or enriching his table as a bunch of radishes, is doomed to a long inutility. We shall get him after awhile if we are spared, but in the meantime the violet and the rose are languishing for a nibble at his glutaeus maximus.
change collar cut despotism erased iron liberty tyranny word
EMANCIPATION, n. A bondman's change from the tyranny of another to the despotism of himself.He was a slave: at word he went and came; His iron collar cut him to the bone. Then Liberty erased his owner's name, Tightened the rivets and inscribed his own. --G.J.
kindness special
ENCOMIAST, n. A special (but not particular) kind of liar.
aim chief holding opponent pleasure time wasted
EPICURE, n. An opponent of Epicurus, an abstemious philosopher who, holding that pleasure should be the chief aim of man, wasted no time in gratification from the senses.