Famous Quotes & Sayings

Lily Tomlin

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Les Dawson

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.

Terry Pratchett

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

Terry Pratchett

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.

Terry Pratchett

If you don't know when to be a human being, you don't know when to be a witch.

Seymour Cray

#3 pencils and quadrille pads.(when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer )

Seymour Cray

Interesting - I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray.(when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac )

Seymour Cray

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Larry David

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course

Rosser Reeves

I'm not saying that charming, witty and warm copy won't sell. I'm just saying I've seen thousands of charming, witty campaigns that didn't sell.

Robert Osborne

One movie I think is just terrific is 'Bernie,' with Jack Black and Shirley MacLaine. That was a great surprise to me - so witty, so entertaining, a true story, and I'm not a great Jack Black fan, but he's great in it. I think it's a gem.

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

Robert Pattinson

I don't know if I'm particularly funny, I mean one of my legs is shorter than the other one, it makes everything look very awkward, so I can just pretty much look like an idiot, but I don't know whether I can be like witty. It could be a problem.

Robert Falcon Scott

Great God! This is an awful place.

Saul Bellow

Conquered people tend to be witty.

Tina Fey

Either way, everything will be fine. But if you have an opinion, please feel free to offer it to me through the gap in the door of a public restroom. Everyone else does.

Tina Fey

Sometimes you want to have a very productive Saturday to feel that you are in control of your life, which of course you are not.

Tina Fey

You have to remember that actors are human beings. Which is hard sometimes because they look so much better than human beings.

Tina Fey

It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.

Tina Fey

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

Tina Fey

Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.

Tina Fey

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

Tina Fey

In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.

Tina Fey

Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.

Tina Fey

(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)

Tina Fey

I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.

Tina Fey

MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, “I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?” Make statements, with your actions and your voice.

Tina Fey

It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.

Tina Fey

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

Tina Fey

To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.

Tina Fey

Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

Tina Fey

Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.

Tim Ferriss

What I don't like is snark for snark's sake. If you are going to make fun of me, at least be witty while doing it.