Famous Quotes & Sayings

Charles Caleb Colton

Wit may do very well for a mistress, but [I] should prefer reason for a wife.

Alan Jackson

I've been a lot of places, and my wife, Denise, she likes a lot of the fancy restaurants. I'm more of a basic eater. I still go into Cracker Barrel. Those are the kind of people who like the kind of music I'm making.

Akshay Kumar

Why bother with Google when I have a wife who knows everything about everything!

Chris Black

My wife will tell you that I'm very particular and it's annoying for other people. I eat the same thing every day. I go to the gym at the same time every day. I go to L.A. all the time, so I take that same 9:30 flight. I will not take another one.

Chick Corea

My wife, Gayle, is a wonderful musician and singer. We share music, so it's a deep bond.

Dave Chappelle

My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.

Dave Barry

You can be the smartest person in the world - which Bill Clinton is, and if he's not, his wife is - and care more than anybody else in the world - which he does, I don't doubt that for a minute. And you can care so much that you're willing to be dishonest - you can tell people one thing but do another because you really know it's for their own good. And you'll still screw it all up. Because the whole premise of what you're doing is wrong!

Buddy Hackett

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

Bryan Ferry

I met John Lennon and he was with his wife in Tokyo. I met him there.

Bob Monkhouse

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

Bernard Malamud

One's fantasy goes for a walk and returns with a bride.

E. W. Howe

Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it as is represented in the advertising.

Bette Davis

An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know.

John Mortimer

Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.

Lord Byron

All tragedies are finished by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage.

Heather Locklear

Lust is the sin that gets me excited. Luckily, because I'm married, I also get really good jewelry out of it.

Henny Youngman

We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.

Chris Rock

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.

Bob Dylan

I was lookin' high an' low for them Reds everywhere, I was lookin' in the sink an' underneath the chair. I looked way up my chimney hole, I even looked deep inside my toilet bowl.

Andy Warhol

I will go to the Opening of Anything, including a Toilet Seat

Orson Scott Card

The only process you've mastered is the process of elimination, and the only reason you've mastered that is because you can do it in the toilet.

Becca Fitzpatrick

She cleans a toilet inside and out under a minute. More like terrifying

Bill Cosby

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.

Joel Madden

I like getting toilet paper thrown at me.

Jim Gaffigan

Lean Pockets, I don't even wanna know what's in those. I wonder what the directions are on a box of Lean Pockets: 'Remove from box, place directly in toilet.' Flush Pocket!

Carolyn Heilbrun

You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care.

Cassandra Clare

It's the mortal cup Jace, not the mortal toilet bowl.