Famous Quotes & Sayings

Madhur Bhandarkar

I'm a terrific mimic, and you can feel my funny bone.

Stuart Freeman

We're in a funny space. Too much good news is not good news because the market worries about the Fed.

Luke Treadaway

This morning someone sent me a very funny photo of me holding their puppy. We have matching colour jackets.

Norm Feuti

When you think about it, a lot of people have worked at retail at some time in their lives. And even if you haven't, all of us have had funny or frustrating experiences in stores.

Steven Wright

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

There's nothing that beats proving you're funny by making a funny thing, and right now there are huge outlets for that, with You Tube and all the other stuff online.

For years, Blockbuster Video has edited movies. Like The Bad Lieutenant, when he's masturbating while the girls in the car are doing the thing. I rented it from Blockbuster and sped to that scene, and it was gone. I called up Blockbuster, and I'm like, "I got an erection, and the scene's not there."

I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the phone rang, and I thought it's them, they're complaining. ... "Sir, could you please stop?"

Never ruin an apology with an excuse.

Demetri Martin

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.

Demetri Martin

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

Benjamin Disraeli

Apologies only account for that which they do not alter.

Brenda Lee

Im Sorry was one of the first songs to come out of Nashville using strings.

Charlie Kimball

The typical response from people when I tell them Im diabetic is, Oh, Im sorry to hear that. You know, Im not. Im a better athlete because of diabetes rather than despite it. Im more aware of my training, my fitness and more aware of nutrition. Im more proactive about my health.

Archibald Alexander

It will never do to plead sin as an excuse for sin, or to attempt to justify sinful acts by pleading that we have an evil heart. This instead of being a valid apology, is the very ground of our condemnation.

Anthony Weiner

I have made terrible mistakes that have hurt the people that I cared about the most, and I am terribly sorry. I am deeply ashamed of my terrible judgment and my actions.

Bryan Davis

Sacrifice is at the heart of repentance. Without deeds, your apology is worthless.

Charlie Chaplin

Quebec from the boat looked like the ramparts where Hamlet's ghost might have walked.

Charlie Chaplin

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

Charlie Chaplin

I remain just one thing, and one thing only, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.

Charles Caleb Colton

Expect not praise without envy until you are dead.

Charles Dickens

There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all men, without the smallest reference to the furniture of their pockets.

Charles Simmons

Good Humor is the best shield against the darts of satirical raillery

Alan Watts

The reason we want to go on and on is because we live in an impoverished present.

Alan Moore

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.