Famous Quotes & Sayings

Charles Caleb Colton

Expect not praise without envy until you are dead.

Charles Dickens

There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all men, without the smallest reference to the furniture of their pockets.

Charles Simmons

Good Humor is the best shield against the darts of satirical raillery

Alan Watts

The reason we want to go on and on is because we live in an impoverished present.

Alan Moore

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

David Sedaris

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

Dave Barry

England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

Dave Barry

English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.

Dave Barry

The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar..

Eddie Izzard

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

Eddie Izzard

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

Antonin Artaud

Without sarcasm I sink into chaos.

Benjamin Franklin

Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor but the highest form of flattery.

Alexis Ohanian

I like sarcasm. I like snark.

Ashleigh Brilliant

I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

Ashleigh Brilliant

The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!

Ashleigh Brilliant

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

Jane Austen

You have delighted us long enough.

Charles Spurgeon

Brethren, who are we that God should have been so good to us?

Chinua Achebe

Mr. Brown had thought of nothing but numbers. He should have known that the kingdom of God did not depend on large crowds. Our Lord Himself stressed the importance of fewness. Narrow is the way and few the number. To fill the Lord's holy temple with an idolatrous crowd clamoring for signs was a folly of everlasting consequence. Our Lord used the whip only once in His life - to drive the crowd away from His church.

Caitlin Moran

My core belief is that if you're complaining about something for more than three minutes, two minutes ago you should have done something about it.

Bryan Lee O'Malley

Oh, hey, maybe I should have mentioned that my friends are retarded douchebags.

Beverly Johnson

Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery

Eartha Kitt

Aging has a wonderful beauty and we should have respect for that.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

We've got to let the people know that there is a necessity, it's not even an option, it's a necessity to have a chiropractor. As much as it is a necessity to have a dentist, if you have a dentist for the family, you should have your chiropractor for the family.

Barney Frank

Today, many people take for granted the notion that people whose lives are going to be very heavily affected by public policies should have a say in how they are formulated and carried out.

Frederic Bastiat

And now that the legislators and do-gooders have so futilely inflicted so many systems upon society, may they finally end where they should have begun: May they reject all systems, and try liberty; for liberty is an acknowledgment of faith in God and His works