Famous Quotes & Sayings

Peter Jennings

Always have a sense of humor about life - you'll need it - but always be courteous to boot.

Robert Mankoff

The interesting thing about humor is that in humor, you - in logic, something is A or not A. In humor, it's both A and not A.

Mallory Ortberg

Humor is always more interesting when it comes from someone who's had more than, like, five experiences.

John Scalzi

Many of the writers who have inspired me most are outside the genre: Humorists like Robert Benchley and James Thurber, screenwriters like Ben Hecht and William Goldman, and journalists/columnists like H.L. Mencken, Mike Royko and Molly Ivins.

Diane Keaton

Humor helps us get through life with a modicum of grace. It offers one of the few benign ways of coping with the absurdity of it all.

Dennis Ritchie

The notion of a record is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card.

Edsger Dijkstra

PL/1, the fatal disease, belongs more to the problem set than to the solution set.

Carlos Ponce

I can't live without a sense of humor. I need to be laughing and entertained at all times.

Eddie Vedder

Caffeine. The gateway drug.

Edgar Allan Poe

The writer who neglects punctuation, or mispunctuates, is liable to be misunderstood for the want of merely a comma, it often occurs that an axiom appears a paradox, or that a sarcasm is converted into a sermonoid.

Antonin Artaud

Without sarcasm I sink into chaos.

Eddie Izzard

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

Eddie Izzard

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

Benjamin Franklin

Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor but the highest form of flattery.

Jane Austen

You have delighted us long enough.

Ashleigh Brilliant

I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

Ashleigh Brilliant

The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!

Ashleigh Brilliant

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

Charles Spurgeon

If I had never joined a church till I had found one that was perfect, I should never have joined one at all; and the moment I did join it, if I had found one, I should have spoiled it, for it would not have been a perfect church after I had become a member of it. Still, imperfect as it is, it is the dearest place on earthto us.

Edgar Allan Poe

Now this is the point. You fancy me a mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded...

Eduardo Chillida

The qualities that one needs to be a good goalkeeper are exactly the same as to be a good sculptor. In both professions one should have a good relationship with time and space.

Edvard Munch

I should have considered it wrong to have finished the Frieze before the room for its accommodation and the funds for its completion were available.

Edvard Munch

Without anxiety and illness I should have been like a ship without a rudder.

Elizabeth Cady Stanton

We seem to be pariahs alike in the visible and the invisible world, with no foothold anywhere, though by every principle of government and religion we should have an equal place on this planet.

Ahmet Ertegun

I came close to signing Elvis Presley. I offered $25,000 for his contract and they asked for $45,000 and I just didn't have the other $20,000. I should have gotten the Beatles. But one of my lawyers kind of messed up.

William Shakespeare

The breaking of so great a thing should make A greater crack: the round world Should have shook lions into civil streets, And citizens to their dens.

Charles Spurgeon

Brethren, who are we that God should have been so good to us?