Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
answer anyone quiz reveals shower weird
My roommate says, I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom? It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.
devil pickles sold soul
I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil - and the devil was dill.
call cheese sponge
I think that they should call a cheese grater by its real name...a sponge ruiner.
dry gonna guys owes passed sign somebody street walking window
I was walking down the street at 3am, and I passed a dry cleaner. The sign in the window said -"Sorry, We're Closed". You don't have to be sorry. It's 3am. And you're a dry cleaners. Its not like I was gonna come back at 10 and say "Hey man, I was here at 3 and you guys were closed... somebody owes me an apology.
expect gonna guys hey owes ridiculous sign walking
I was walking by a drycleaner at 3a.m. and there was a sign that said Sorry, we're closed. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3a.m. and your a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, hey I was here at 3a.m and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology.
candle store
I went to the store to bye a candle holder. They didn't have one so I got a cake.
animals band beings human lead people second singer
I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said How many of you people feel like human beings tonight? Then he said How many of you feel like animals? And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question.
ask dreams following hook sick
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
sister
My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She's an actress, she's just never called to the set.
answer anyone reveals shave
My roommate said, 'I need to shave and use the shower. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird-a** quiz, where he reveals the answer first.
american-comedian dancer drive imagine morse tap understand
I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
belt holds loops pants
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which ones the real hero?
american-comedian belt holds loops pants
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which one is the real hero?
liked rewrite screw script wrote
I wrote a script for a guy, and he said he liked it but he thought that I need to rewrite it. I said, Screw that, I'll just make a copy.