Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
funny soccer
I think fooseball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs.
bills break eight miss sale saw says spun today worth wrong
I saw some two-dollar bills today - They were for sale for eight dollars. Something went severely wrong there. What happened? It spun out of control... Now it's worth eight, still says two. I miss the two. I could break a two.
american-comedian human pyramid saw
I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.
cause copy decide favourite open suddenly three
Kinko's is my favourite copy place cause it's open 24 hours, like if it's three in the morning, and I suddenly decide I need two of something, I'm covered.
call cheese sponge
I think that they should call a cheese grater by its real name...a sponge ruiner.
dry gonna guys owes passed sign somebody street walking window
I was walking down the street at 3am, and I passed a dry cleaner. The sign in the window said -"Sorry, We're Closed". You don't have to be sorry. It's 3am. And you're a dry cleaners. Its not like I was gonna come back at 10 and say "Hey man, I was here at 3 and you guys were closed... somebody owes me an apology.
expect gonna guys hey owes ridiculous sign walking
I was walking by a drycleaner at 3a.m. and there was a sign that said Sorry, we're closed. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3a.m. and your a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, hey I was here at 3a.m and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology.
candle store
I went to the store to bye a candle holder. They didn't have one so I got a cake.
animals band beings human lead people second singer
I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said How many of you people feel like human beings tonight? Then he said How many of you feel like animals? And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question.
fits towel
I got a robe. It's not a robe, really, it's just a towel that fits me.
bar candy eating guy named next run says sorry time
I get the Reese's candy bar, If you read it, there's an apostrophe. The candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time your eating a Reese's and some guy named Reese comes up to you and says let me have that. You better give it to him. I'm sorry Reece, I didn't think I would ever run into you.
ducks six sun
There are six ducks out here, and they all want Sun Chips!
sister
My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She's an actress, she's just never called to the set.
answer anyone quiz reveals shower weird
My roommate says, I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom? It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.