Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
add appliance job keeps kitchen names wanna work
I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refrigerator, blender.... all you do is say what the shit does, and add "er". I wanna work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. Hey, what does that do? It keeps shit fresh. Well, that's a fresher....I'm going on break.
anniversary asking company fifth five insurance interview job lady question year
I had a job interview at an insurance company once and the lady said "Where do you see yourself in five years?" and i said "Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question
jobs couple hands
Earlier I`ve done hatever I could get my hands on to do for a living. I tried a couple of different things, but kitchen work was the best for me, because I took to a nomadic lifestyle before I started doing comedy. If you travel and get to a town and need a job, restaurants are always there.
funny jobs humor
I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er".
funny jobs humor
I had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' I said, 'Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question!'
funny jobs humor
I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job at Mrs. Paul's.
again far friend hear mumble says tree walking
I mumble a lot off-stage, I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend and I say something, he won't hear me, he'll say 'What?'. So I'll say it again, but once again he doesn't hear me, so he says 'What?'. But really it's just some insignificant sh*t that I'm saying, but now I'm yelling, 'That tree is far away.'
banana green hell hold light means red traffic yellow
On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the hell did you get that banana at...
palm wrote
I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first, to see if she would read that too.
dance dance-and-dancing hard hey lost song
It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa! Where's my wallet? But, hey this song is funky...
bite body emergency kit snake
I snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.
sick time
I sick of "soup of the day" it's time we made a decision, i want to know what "soup from now on" is
christmas foot perfect stocking
A severed foot is the perfect stocking stuffer.
escalator order sorry
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.