Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard
Lewis McDonald Grizzard, Jr.was an American writer and humorist, known for his Southern demeanor and commentary on the American South. Although he spent his early career as a newspaper sports writer and editor, becoming the sports editor of the Atlanta Journal at age 23, he is much better known for his humorous newspaper columns in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. He was also a popular stand-up comedian & lecturer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionWriter
Date of Birth20 October 1946
CountryUnited States of America
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did, someone else would own the orchard.
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
"Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't want you winding up on the third shift at Flagg-Utica." Flagg-Utica was a local textile plant. Somehow, I never could figure how failing to read three chapters in my geography book about the various sorts of vegetation to be found in a tropical rain forest had anything to do with facing a life as a mill hand. But with enough guilt and fear as catalysts, you can read anything, even geography books and Deuteronomy.
Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.
Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.
The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
There's no such thing as being too Southern.
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on and you're up to somethin'.