Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart
Jon Stewartis an American comedian, writer, producer, director, actor, media critic, and former television host. From 1999 to 2015, he was the host of The Daily Show, a satirical news program that airs on Comedy Central...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionEntertainer
Date of Birth28 November 1962
CountryUnited States of America
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I don't want to die before my parents die, especially my mother. Because I think that's tragic. Because I don't want her to get the chance to pick out what I'm going to wear for eternity.
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We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.
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It's funny. When we were alive we spent much of our time staring up at the cosmos and wondering what was out there. We were obsessed with the moon and whether we could one day visit it. The day we finally walked on it was celebrated worldwide as perhaps man's greatest achievement. But it was while we were there, gathering rocks from the moon's desolate landscape, that we looked up and caught a glimpse of just how incredible our own planet was. Its singular astonishing beauty. We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.
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In Iraq, the U.S. military's whack-a-mole approach to killing Saddam Hussein may have finally paid off. The bombs destroyed the area and left behind a 60-foot crater, or as coalition forces prefer to call it: a freedom hole.
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The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.
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I'm 38 and could very much bare my midriff, but it may make some people nauseous.
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The Oscars is really, I guess, the one night of the year when you can see all your favorite stars without having to donate any money to the Democratic Party. And it's exciting for the stars as well because it's the first time many of you have ever voted for a winner.
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Don't worry, ... as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.
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We had a real good December. Consumers didn't appear to be holding back at the pump.
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Brown was nominated to the post by President Bush in 2003, ... And (he) intends to start the job any day now.
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Does anyone know...does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because...uh...you've all been in charge pretty much since...uh...what was that guys name...Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.
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Very often I get e-mails intended for Jon Stewart from Comedy Central that are mailed to me. And the first reaction, and the first response that I or my assistant make is: Do you have the right Jon Stewart?
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The top story, as always, is America remaining obsessed, fascinated -- appalled -- by what is now being called Dick-Cheney-Shot-a-Guy-in-the-Face-Gate. Not as catchy as others have been ...
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The way that he feels about Johnny Carson is the way that all of us, the comedians of our era, feel about him.