George Carlin
George Carlin
George Denis Patrick Carlinwas an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Carlin and his "Seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 5–4 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth12 May 1937
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes.
People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.
Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
My tombstone? I'm thinking something along the lines of, 'Geez, he was just here a minute ago.'
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
I've set my own rules to live by. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.'
With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No Smoking, Stay Off the Grass, Keep Out, and they seem to work fairly well. I think we should also have signs for major crimes: Murder Strictly Prohibited, NO Raping People, Thank You for Not Kidnapping Anyone. It's certainly worth a try. I'm convinced Watergate would never have happened if there had just been a sign in the Oval Office that said, Malfeasance of Office Is Strictly Against the Law, or Thank You for Not Undermining the Constitution.