Dave Barry
Dave Barry
David McAlister "Dave" Barryis a Pulitzer Prize winning American author and columnist, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for the Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionJournalist
Date of Birth3 July 1947
CityArmonk, NY
CountryUnited States of America
velcro substance mysterious
Aside from Velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe.
drinking advice gum
Do not spit gum in the drinking fountains.
beauty oil today
By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.
numbers what-if kind
Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat "what if?" questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.
media paper levels
Today's beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paper clip.
communication animal flesh
Derangement is the only possible explanation for owning a cat, an animal whose preferred mode of communication is to sink its claws three-quarters of an inch into your flesh.
lines hobbies mental-illness
There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
jobs garden doe
Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one.
phones medicine doctors
I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone.
voice numbers issues
One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal budget deficit, which we refer to as the "mounting" deficit, because every extra word helps when you have to produce a certain number of gravely concerned newsprint inches.
technology vegetables microsoft
Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to everybody is the 'most reliable Windows ever.' To me, this is like saying that asparagus is 'the most articulate vegetable ever.'
coffee cambridge-university machines
You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge University in England; exactly how many sodas are available in certain vending machines at certain major universities; and much, much more.
journalism newspapers columnists
As the saying goes: "If you're not part of the solution, you're a newspaper columnist."
fathers-day dad missing
The nicest Father's Day surprise of all for Dad would be if you handed him a box, and he unwrapped it, and there, inside, sitting on a bed of folded tissue, was the pair of his undershorts that somebody threw away six months ago (without asking Dad) because they had reached the stage where they were 3 percent undershorts and 97 percent holes. Dad misses those undershorts. They were his Faithful Undershorts Companion.