Dave Barry
Dave Barry
David McAlister "Dave" Barryis a Pulitzer Prize winning American author and columnist, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for the Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionJournalist
Date of Birth3 July 1947
CityArmonk, NY
CountryUnited States of America
knives steak
Never lick a steak knife.
smart writing editors
Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress.
teacher educational hate
The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you.
jobs hands pie
See, when the GOVERNMENT spends money, it creates jobs; whereas when the money is left in the hands of TAXPAYERS, God only knows what they do with it. Bake it into pies, probably. Anything to avoid creating jobs.
matter needs back-to-work
What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.
running drinking beer
In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than remembering not to light the filter ends of cigarettes.
war alcohol great-depression
After the war, Prohibition was passed, and with liquor no longer legally available the nation plunged headlong into the Great Depression.
drinking beer rays
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
golf looks terrible
I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.
velcro substance mysterious
Aside from Velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe.
drinking advice gum
Do not spit gum in the drinking fountains.
beauty oil today
By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.
numbers what-if kind
Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat "what if?" questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.
media paper levels
Today's beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paper clip.