Dane Cook
Dane Cook
Dane Jeffrey Cookis an American stand-up comedian and film actor. He has released five comedy albums: Harmful If Swallowed; Retaliation; Vicious Circle; Rough Around The Edges: Live From Madison Square Garden; and Isolated Incident. In 2006, Retaliation became the highest charting comedy album in 28 years and went platinum. He performed an HBO special in the Fall of 2006, Vicious Circle, a straight-to-DVD special titled Rough Around The Edges, and a Comedy Central special in 2009 titled Isolated Incident. He...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth18 March 1972
CityCambridge, MA
CountryUnited States of America
I feel like people who don't brag are trying to make you jealous by thinking they're hiding something more even exciting.
I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.
I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it's still a negative. You're just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.
You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
It's hard to be happy for someone when you know deep down they'd kill you if they had the chance.
I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things?
I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.
I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
After you have loss in your life and after you experience something like losing your parents, the greatest gift of that was it prepared me for [anything]. Nothing else is as scary, and certainly stand-up comedy is not as scary as sitting there with your mom and having to have last conversations and things like that. It's heavy stuff, but it's enlightening because it makes me think I shouldn't be afraid of sharing ideas and thoughts with people. It's the yin and the yang of life.
I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.
Teach your kids to make deplorable choices and hopefully they'll rebel and make the right ones.