Artie Lange
Artie Lange
Arthur Steven "Artie" Lange, Jr.is an American comedian, actor, author and radio show host, best known for his tenures on The Howard Stern Show and the sketch comedy series Mad TV. Born and raised in New Jersey, Lange first worked as a longshoreman and cab driver to help support his family following the death of his quadriplegic father. After making his stand-up debut in 1987, he began a full-time comedy career in 1992, performing stand-up and improv shows throughout the...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionTV Show Host
Date of Birth11 October 1967
CityLivingston, NJ
CountryUnited States of America
If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs.
Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.
I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.
I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
When you did impressions on 'MADtv,' the producers gave you a Walkman that played huge sections of whatever movie was being parodied, with your character's catchphrases recorded on a loop. You'd wear this thing around during rehearsals and for a week listen to the voice you had to impersonate over and over again. It drove all of us crazy.
The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota
A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of years ago, A-Rod went to the hospital and promised a dying kid he'd ground out to second for him.
Whiskey will always be a part of my life.
The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.
You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?'
When I encountered rich people for the first time, I discovered that not only do they holiday in places that are hard to find on a map, but that they also use the names of seasons as verbs. When they asked me, 'Where did you summer and winter growing up?' I would usually say, 'As a child? The same place I springed and autumned.'
Unlike a lot of comics, I didn't care about getting on 'Saturday Night Live.' That show had such history and was so established that I didn't see the point.