Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
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RESPOND, v.i. To make answer, or disclose otherwise a consciousness of having inspired an interest in what Herbert Spencer calls ""external coexistences,"" as Satan ""squat like a toad"" at the ear of Eve, responded to the touch of the angel's spear. To respond in damages is to contribute to the maintenance of the plaintiff's attorney and, incidentally, to the gratification of the plaintiff.
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RESPLENDENT, adj. Like a simple American citizen beduking himself in his lodge, or affirming his consequence in the Scheme of Things as an elemental unit of a parade.The Knights of Dominion were so resplendent in their velvet- and-gold that their masters would hardly have known them. --"Chronicles of the Classes
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RESIGN, v.t. To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.
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PITIFUL, adj. The state of an enemy of opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.
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PILGRIM, n. A traveler that is taken seriously. A Pilgrim Father was one who, leaving Europe in 1620 because not permitted to sing psalms through his nose, followed it to Massachusetts, where he could personate God according to the dictates of his conscience.
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PIETY, n. Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man.The pig is taught by sermons and epistles To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles. --Judibras
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PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.Cold pie was highly esteemed by the remains. --Rev. Dr. Mucker(in a funeral sermon over a British nobleman)Cold pie is a detestable American comestible. That's why I'm done --or undone -- So far from that dear London.(from the headstone of a British nobleman in Kalamazoo)
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PLAUDITS, n. Coins with which the populace pays those who tickle and devour it.
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Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
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RED-SKIN, n. A North American Indian, whose skin is not red --at least not on the outside.
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RECTOR, n. In the Church of England, the Third Person of the parochial Trinity, the Cruate and the Vicar being the other two.
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RECRUIT, n. A person distinguishable from a civilian by his uniform and from a soldier by his gait.Fresh from the farm or factory or street, His marching, in pursuit or in retreat, Were an impressive martial spectacle Except for two impediments --his feet. --Thompson Johnson
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REFORM, v. A thing that mostly satisfies reformers opposed to reformation.
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REFLECTION, n. An action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.