Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
condition hours passed pulled related surprising
ACEPHALOUS, adj. In the surprising condition of the Crusader who absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had, unconsciously to him, passed through his neck, as related by de Joinville.
affirm commonly guilt ourselves wronged
ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.
ability bear grand mother
ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.""My accountability, bear in mind,"" Said the Grand Vizier: ""Yes, yes,"" Said the Shah: ""I do --'tis the only kind Of ability you possess."" --Joram Tate
ancient morality philosophy school
ACADEME, n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
adam apples believe conscience eating eats fashion feels ghastly good hold ill noted shabby sinned sinner somewhat symbols truth within
SYMBOLIC, adj. Pertaining to symbols and the use and interpretation of symbols.They say 'tis conscience feels compunction; I hold that that's the stomach's function, For of the sinner I have noted That when he's sinned he's somewhat bloated, Or ill some other ghastly fashion Within that bowel of compassion. True, I believe the only sinner Is he that eats a shabby dinner. You know how Adam with good reason, For eating apples out of season, Was ""cursed."" But that is all symbolic: The truth is, Adam had the colic.
commit impulse
TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.
accessible air allied chicks element factory gas inhabited male none products sewer similar visible water
SYLPH, n. An immaterial but visible being that inhabited the air when the air was an element and before it was fatally polluted with factory smoke, sewer gas and similar products of civilization. Sylphs were allied to gnomes, nymphs and salamanders, which dwelt, respectively, in earth, water and fire, all now insalubrious. Sylphs, like fowls of the air, were male and female, to no purpose, apparently, for if they had progeny they must have nested in accessible places, none of the chicks having ever been seen.
hundred period three
YEAR, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
element fine finish form popular sound testimony
WORSHIP, n. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection, having an element of pride.
finished product raw
WORMS'-MEAT, n. The finished product of which we are the raw material.
apostle great overeat shows skilled thy
OVEREAT, v. To dine.Hail, Gastronome, Apostle of Excess, Well skilled to overeat without distress! Thy great invention, the unfatal feast, Shows Man's superiority to Beast. --John Boop
art exposing flat protecting weather
PAINTING, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
doctrine god
PANTHEISM, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.
accurately altogether character closing consists false hand method money obtaining reading spell submitted word wrinkles
PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method (according to Mimbleshaw's classification) of obtaining money by false pretences. It consists in ""reading character"" in the wrinkles made by closing the hand. The pretence is not altogether false; character can really be read very accurately in this way, for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word ""dupe."" The imposture consists in not reading it aloud.