Famous Quotes & Sayings

Mark Twain

I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.

Mark Twain

There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.

Mark Twain

Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.

Mark Twain

Human nature is the same everywhere; it deifies success, it has nothing but scorn for defeat.

Mark Twain

I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars.

Mark Twain

But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!

Mark Twain

... all the modern inconveniences ...

Mark Twain

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

Mark Twain

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

Mark Twain

...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.

Mark Twain

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

Nicholas Stoller

Maybe I'm just not that humble but our script is awesome. Like Jason is so into the Muppets and such a fan. I'm such a fan of Muppets.

Nayef Al-Rodhan

No sustainable prosperity or security can be attained at the expense or marginalization of others. Indeed, in today’s world, humanity will either triumph or fail as a whole.

Muhammad Ali

I'll tell you how I'd like to be remembered: As a black man who won the heavyweight title - Who has humorous and who never looked down on those who looked up to him - A man who stood for freedom, justice and equality - And I wouldn't even mind if folks forgot how pretty I was.

Muhammad Ali

Elvis Presley was the sweetest, most humble and nicest man you'd want to know.

Muhammad Ali

Once we realize we are all members of humanity, we will want to compete in the spirit of love

Oscar Wilde

Lawyers have been known to wrest from reluctant juries triumphant verdicts of acquittal for their clients, even when those clients, as often happens, were clearly and unmistakably innocent.

Madonna Ciccone

I learned a lot about humility and patience, keeping my mouth shut.

Mac Davis

Oh lord, it's hard to be humble when your perfect in every way. I can't wait to look in the mirror, cause I get better looking each day.

Louis Kronenberger

Humor simultaneously wounds and heals, indicts and pardons, diminishes and enlarges; it constitutes inner growth at the expense of outer gain, and those who possess and honestly practice it make themselves more through a willingness to make themselves less.

Louis Kronenberger

Nothing so soothes our vanity as a display of greater vanity in others; it makes us vain, in fact, of our modesty.

Louis-Ferdinand Celine

There is no rest for the humble except in despising the great, whose only thought of the people is inspired by self-interest or sadism.

Louis Farrakhan

I am giving them a Warning and a Guidance from God to help them to do that which will save America. And I warn them that these calamities are going to increase now in severity so America might humble herself to that call of God to let the Black man and woman go. It is the time that we should separate to go free and that America should provide us with land and implements that would allow us to build a future for ourselves - for they have proved to be disagreeable to live with in peace.

Liza Minnelli

You see, that's another thing that my parents gave me: an enormously great sense of humor.

Margaret Smith

Sin recognized but that may keep us humble, But oh, it keeps us nasty.

Michel de Montaigne

A man may be humble through vainglory.

Michel de Montaigne

One may be humble out of pride.

Michel de Montaigne

All I say is by way of discourse, and nothing by way of advice. I should not speak so boldly if it were my due to be believed.

Michel de Montaigne

Custom is a violent and treacherous school mistress. She, by little and lithe, slyly and unperceived, slips in the foot of her authority; but having by this gentle and humble beginning, with the benefit of time, fixed and established it, she then unmasks a furious and tyrannic countenance, against which we have no more the courage or the power so much as to lift up our eyes.

Michael Kinsley

Anything that keeps a politician humble is healthy for democracy.

Markus Zusak

I am hunted by humans

Mark Twain

The inability to forget is far more devastating than the inability to remember.

Mark Twain

Humor, to be comprehensible to anybody, must be built upon a foundation with which he is familiar. If he can't see the foundation the superstructure is to him merely a freak -- like the Flatiron building without any visible means of support -- something that ought to be arrested.