Famous Quotes & Sayings

Bo Burnham

Postmodern comedy doesn't work well with very old audiences, because it's making fun of the comedy they enjoy.

Bo Burnham

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.

Bo Burnham

And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

Bo Burnham

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

Bo Burnham

Ya back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid, well that and fagot.

Bo Burnham

And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.

Bo Burnham

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

Bo Burnham

I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

Bo Burnham

People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist... how do we fix Africa?'

Bo Burnham

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

Bo Burnham

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

Bo Burnham

I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

Bo Burnham

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

Bo Burnham

In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool.

Bo Burnham

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Bo Burnham

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

Bo Burnham

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

Bo Burnham

When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.

Bo Burnham

Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

Bo Burnham

Where are all the sour patch parents?

Bo Burnham

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

Billy Idol

My dad was one of the reasons I got into rock and roll, because I was learning the ropes of his business, which was selling powertools, and I was looking for a way out from under his heel. I was like, 'Where's the fun? Where's the glamour?

Billy Gardell

Everybody wants to be a better version of themselves - everybody. And I hope one day I can lose some weight. Maybe, who knows, I'll hire myself a trainer and a fancy cook. In five years, maybe I'll be an action hero. Then again, maybe I'll just be this guy. Who knows? But the fun part is embracing the human side of that.

Billy Eichner

I like talking to a person who is crazy in a fun, eccentric way. I don't want to talk to a legitimate crazy person, because that's not nice.

Billy Joel

In a way, we are magicians. We are alchemists, sorcerers and wizards. We are a very strange bunch. But there is great fun in being a wizard.

Bill Pullman

With While You Were Sleeping, it was so much fun and such a Cinderella story, that I didn't want to do another romantic comedy. I wanted to do the opposite.

Bill Peterson

You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.

Bill Russell

On females officiating in the NBA -Incompetence should not be confined to one sex.

Bill Parcells

If you have fun, fine. It's not all life and death.

Beverly Sills

As soon as I arrive at the house, Laurie starts running, hits my chest, knocks me down, and licks my face. It's become a family ritual.

Beverley Nichols

Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.

Betty White

If you call me a comedian I will be very grateful. I will thank you profoundly. No, I love doing comedy. It's fun once in a while to do a serious part but I really enjoy doing comedy because I love to laugh.

Betty White

Don't try to be young. Just open your mind. Stay interested in stuff. There are so many things I won't live long enough to find out about, but I'm still curious about them. You know people who are already saying, 'I'm going to be 30 - oh, what am I going to do?' Well, use that decade! Use them all!