Famous Quotes & Sayings

George Best

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted

George Burns

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

George Burns

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

George Burns

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

George Burns

I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.

George Burns

How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.

George Burns

She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.

George Burns

I worried about playing God (in the movie Oh God). We're about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods.

George Burns

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

George Burns

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

George Burns

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

George Burns

At my age flowers scare me.

George Burns

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

George Burns

In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.

George Burns

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

George Burns

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

George Burns

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

George Burns

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

George Burns

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.

George Burns

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

George Burns

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

George Burns

I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.

George Burns

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

George Burns

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

George Bernard Shaw

Ladies and gentleman are permitted to have friends in the kennel, but not in the kitchen.

George Bernard Shaw

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.

George Bernard Shaw

Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is superfluous.

George Bernard Shaw

A sensitive boy's humiliations may be very good fun for ordinary thick-skinned grown-ups; but to the boy himself theyareso acute, so ignominious, that he cannot confess themcannot but deny them passionately.

George Bernard Shaw

I love little children too but I don't cut off their heads and stick them in vases.

George Bernard Shaw

Who is this Baby Ruth? And what does she do?