Famous Quotes & Sayings

Sophie Turner

I really like The Vamps. Im friends with a couple of the guys from the band, so thats fun.

Sophie Tucker

From birth to age 18 a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35 she needs good looks. From 35 to 55 she needs a good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash.

Sonia Sotomayor

Pretending to be a princess is fun, but it is definitely not a career.

Sophie Kinsella

Darling, when things go wrong in life, you lift your chin, put on a ravishing smile, mix yourself a little cocktail...

Sophie Kinsella

I'd probably still be a financial journalist now if it weren't for writing novels. Mmm. Fun! I'm much happier writing novels!

Thomas Pynchon

Oh, this beer here is cold, cold and hop-bitter, no point coming up for air, gulp, till it's all--hahhhh.

Thomas Haden Church

I enjoy doing press for something that I like, and I think the movie is very fun and charming and clever.

Thomas Hobbes

If nobody makes you do it, it counts as fun.

Tim Vine

I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.

Tim Vine

When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it...

Tim Vine

So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'

Tim Vine

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

Tim Vine

I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray.

Tim Vine

I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

Tim Vine

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

Tim Vine

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'

Tim Vine

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

Tim Vine

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Tim Vine

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

Tim Vine

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

Tim Vine

I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.

Tim Vine

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

Tim Vine

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

Tim Vine

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

Tim Vine

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

Tim Vine

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.

Tim Vine

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

Tim Vine

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'

Tim Vine

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

Tim Vine

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

Tim Vine

You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.

Tim Vine

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".

Tim Vine

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."