Famous Quotes & Sayings

Carl Hiaasen

From my experience, politicians are much more uncomfortable being made fun of than they are being preached at and screeched at - you know, and the soapbox routine. They're much more uneasy knowing they're a target of ridicule.

Carl Hiaasen

I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something.

Carl Hiaasen

That's the thing about being a Labrador retriever - you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, freewheeling mind cluttered by contemplation, and never at all by somber worry; every day was a romp. What else could there possibly be to life? Eating was a thrill. Pissing was a treat. Shitting was a joy. And licking your own balls? Bliss. And everywhere you went were gullible humans who patted and hugged and fussed over you.

Carl Hiaasen

It's actually not very hard to re-set between the adult novels and the ones for younger readers. The narrative voices are very similar, the smartass attitude, the environmental battles. Kids love books that are irreverent and challenge authority, when authority is arbitrary, greedy or foolish. They also love it when you make fun of grownups, and I've spent my whole life as a writer doing that.

As a rule, bond funds will not double your money overnight.

I'm a terrific mimic, and you can feel my funny bone.

The people who don't train get tired, and they start wailing, and that is where the fun starts.

We are proud to be in a position to offer these funds to the community. Personally, I'm honored to represent this group of vintners who lend a hand whether it be for Hurricane Katrina relief or to help a neighbor in need.

We are primarily going to go to the meet to have fun with a lot of different relays.

David Crosby

We've all been friends for a long time. And when the vibe's good we really have a lot of fun with each other.

We're in a funny space. Too much good news is not good news because the market worries about the Fed.

We spent that whole day with my mother, ... We had so much fun with her.

Wherever he went, he pretty much had a friend. He's a fun guy to be around.

Where the money is going is into global and international diversified funds, ... It's really not the type of fund to invest in if you want diversification.

Luke Treadaway

This morning someone sent me a very funny photo of me holding their puppy. We have matching colour jackets.

Steven Wright

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

William Shakespeare

Thrift, thrift, Horatio! The funeral bak'd meats did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.

William Shakespeare

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Louis C. K.

There's nothing that beats proving you're funny by making a funny thing, and right now there are huge outlets for that, with You Tube and all the other stuff online.

Louis C. K.

There's a need to perfect things in a writers' room, and that can take a lot of fun out of a show sometimes. It's a struggle. It depends on your personality. Some people love working with a writing staff. I had a great writing staff on Lucky Louie, but it sometimes felt like Congress or something.

Louis C. K.

For years, Blockbuster Video has edited movies. Like The Bad Lieutenant, when he's masturbating while the girls in the car are doing the thing. I rented it from Blockbuster and sped to that scene, and it was gone. I called up Blockbuster, and I'm like, "I got an erection, and the scene's not there."

Louis C. K.

I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the phone rang, and I thought it's them, they're complaining. ... "Sir, could you please stop?"

Louis C. K.

If I found myself alone on planet Earth, no other humans, I would have sex with a monkey in like two minutes. Two minutes. That's really not long enough to be sure you're alone on the Earth, even. That's like... I walk outside, it's- there's not much traffic. "Oh, my God, it's just me! I'm gonna have sex with a monkey right now. Oh, no-there's a person."

Louis C. K.

Why can't we have racism that's ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are positive about race. You could say, "Those Chinese people, they can fly!" "You know about the Puerto Ricans? They're made of candy!"

Louis C. K.

I love being married. It's great. But I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier; it goes quicker. She's like, "What's wrong with you?" And I'm like, "I know! Damn it! Argh!"

Louis C. K.

One time I was at a swimming pool with my kids, a public pool. I had my daughter, my six year old, on my arm like this. She was like clamped on, and she's kicking. ... And then she got off and another random child just clamped on. It's like a rat. "Get off of me." "But I love you." "I don't know you, kid."

Louis C. K.

People are too afraid of uptown. A lot of people will tell you, like, "Don't go to Harlem. You can never go there. 'Cause as soon as you get there, they kill you." That's what people think. As soon as you arrive in Harlem, someone just stabs you in the face right away. That's people's image of Harlem: just everyone standing around waiting for lost white people to kill all day. "Did you see any? I didn't either."

Louis C. K.

It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.

Louis C. K.

America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.

Louis C. K.

If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.

Louis C. K.

I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'

Louis C. K.

Last week I got a flu that I caught, 'cause my daughter coughed... into my mouth.

Louis C. K.

Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone's getting hurt.