Famous Quotes & Sayings

Charles Caleb Colton

Expect not praise without envy until you are dead.

Charles Dickens

There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all men, without the smallest reference to the furniture of their pockets.

Charles Simmons

Good Humor is the best shield against the darts of satirical raillery

Alan Watts

The reason we want to go on and on is because we live in an impoverished present.

Alan Moore

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

David Sedaris

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

Dave Barry

England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

Dave Barry

English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.

Dave Barry

The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar..

Ben Bradlee

You never monkey with the truth.

Bob Dylan

Little red wagon, little red bike, I ain’t no monkey but I know what I like.

Eli Roth

I'll direct any movie starring a monkey or the Olsen Twins. Preferably both.

Albert Einstein

But then, after all, we are all alike, for we are all derived from the monkey.

Alan Garner

When a monkey nibbles on a weenis, it's funny in any language.

Aneurin Bevan

Why should I question the monkey when I can question the organ grinder.

Alvah Bessie

When you're dealing with monkeys, you've got to expect some wrenches.

Dashiell Hammett

My way of learning is to heave a wild and unpredictable monkey-wrench into the machinery.

Eric Schmidt

Twitter can no more produce analysis than a monkey can type out a work of Shakespeare.