Famous Quotes & Sayings

Charles Dickens

There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all men, without the smallest reference to the furniture of their pockets.

David Sedaris

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

Dave Barry

England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

Dave Barry

English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.

Dave Barry

The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar..

Dave Barry

The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.

Dave Barry

One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium.

Dave Barry

Nevada has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship.

Dave Barry

Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road; Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk; and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.

Eddie Izzard

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

Eddie Izzard

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

Antonin Artaud

Without sarcasm I sink into chaos.

Benjamin Franklin

Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor but the highest form of flattery.

Alexis Ohanian

I like sarcasm. I like snark.

Ashleigh Brilliant

I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

Ashleigh Brilliant

The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!

Ashleigh Brilliant

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

Jane Austen

You have delighted us long enough.

Charles Dickens

I am not old, but my young way was never the way to age.

Charles Caleb Colton

We devote the activity of our youth to revelry and the decrepitude of our old age to repentance: and we finish the farce by bequeathing our dead bodies to the chancel, which when living, we interdicted from the church.

Charles Caleb Colton

The excesses of our youth are drafts upon our old age.

Charles Dickens

In a utilitarian age, of all other times, it is a matter of grave importance that fairy tales should be respected.

Charles Stross

I've reached an age at which I'd rather pay more for something that "just works" than roll up my sleeves, reach for a spanner, and make it work. Time is money, and the older we get the less of it we've got left.

Charles Spurgeon

Pleasure, so called, is the murderer of serious thought. This is the age of excessive amusement. Everybody craves for it, like a babe for its rattle!

Alan Rickman

I knew with Snape I was working as a double agent, as it turns out, and a very good one at that.

Alan Jackson

Hee Haw was probably my biggest exposure to live music at a young age, because there wasn't any live music around my town and no one in my family played instruments.

Alan Alda

Here's my Golden Rule for a tarnished age: Be fair with others, but keep after them until they're fair with you.