Whitney Brown
Whitney Brown
Alan Whitney Brownis an American writer and comedian best known for work on Saturday Night Live in the 1980s. In addition to writing for the program, he appeared opposite Dennis Miller in a biting satirical Weekend Update commentary segment called "The Big Picture." He won a 1988 Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing in a Variety or Music Program, along with Al Franken, Tom Davis, Phil Hartman, Mike Myers, Lorne Michaels and Conan O'Brien. He was also one of the original...
Whitney Brown quotes about
rights giving born
I don't know if the unborn has rights, but I do know that being born again doesn't give you more rights.
time minutes enjoy
Enjoy every minute. There's plenty of time to be dead.
thinking water long
The Baptists' basic theology is that if you hold someone under water long enough, he'll come around to your way of thinking. It's a ritual known as 'Bobbing for Baptists.'
believe eye heaven
The Baptists believe in The Right to Life before you're born. They also believe in Life After Death, but that is a privilege and you have to earn it by spending the interim in guilt-ridden misery. At an early age I decided that living a life of pious misery in the hope of going to heaven when it's over is a lot like keeping your eyes shut all through a movie in the hope of getting your money back at the end.
drinking men blood
Once again decent citizens will be able to enter this house of worship, kneel down in front of a nearly-naked man hanging from a wooden apparatus by a series of gruesome body piercings, and engage in their bizarre practices of ritualized blood-drinking and cannibalism without being assaulted by graphic images of attractive young women with bare breasts.
wisdom lying jail
The Bible says, 'The truth shall make you free.' But let's not forget it was Spiro Agnew who said that a good lie will keep you out of jail in the first place.
believe atheism way
I'm not an athiest. How can you not believe in something that doesn't exist? That's way too convoluted for me.
facts pekingese jaguars
The very fact that the jaguar can become extinct while the Pekingese survives indicates to me that someone hasn't thought this thing through.
funny school humor
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
book oxygen two
Plant trees. They give us two of the most crucial elements for our survival: oxygen and books.
writing past history
The past actually happened. History is what someone took the time to write down.
funny sarcastic hate
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
anger frustration confusion
I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.