Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Tyrone Colbert is an American comedian, writer, producer, actor, media critic, and television host. He currently hosts the late-night television talk show The Late Show with Stephen Colbert on CBS...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionTV Show Host
Date of Birth13 May 1964
CountryUnited States of America
stupid self waiting
If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!
mean thinking waiting
Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
waiting care lines
Now you'll have to wait for hours in line for medical care instead of immediately not getting any.
facts fan matter opinion
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
news
I'm a big fan. I've always been a news junkie,
pipe pot putting smoking talking thanks
Smoking pot ... thanks for putting down the pipe and talking to me.
dragons dungeons introduced market playing week
It was, actually. I started playing Dungeons & Dragons the first week it was introduced to the market - at least the first week it was introduced down here.
spin
We don't want any filter, ... The correspondent is only going to put his spin on it.
player work
Every day, if I could find someone to play with me. If I couldn't find someone to play with me, I would work on my player character.
children demon shows
These shows are the demon children of the 24-hour cable-news cycle,
opinions saying
The show is about me in that when you give opinions, you're saying something about yourself,
bestow bush hands honor karl problem
Bush has a real problem on his hands here, John: What honor should he bestow on Karl Rove?
america apple apples candy crack crowd good last second talk talking wake
Lemme just talk to you for a second about something that I think is good for America: caramel apples, ... I had one last night. Delicious. Not talking about candy apples. I think candy apples are a danger! You crack 'em, they're very sharp. You candy apple crowd need to wake up!
beating gorilla natural
as natural as a gorilla beating his chest.