Sloane Crosley
Sloane Crosley
Sloane Crosleyis a writer living in New York and the author of the collections of essays, I Was Told There'd Be Cake and How Did You Get This Number. She also worked as a publicist at the Vintage Books division of Random House and as an adjunct professor in Columbia University’s Master of Fine Arts program. She graduated from Connecticut College in 2000...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionWriter
Date of Birth3 August 1978
CountryUnited States of America
cat thinking class
I was taught that candles are like house cats - domesticated versions of something wild and dangerous. There's no way to know how much of that killer instinct lurks in the darkness. I used to think the house-burning paranoia was the result of some upper-middle-class fear regarding the potential destruction of a half-million-dollar Westchester house the size of a matchbox. But then I realized the fear stemmed from something far less complex: we're not used to fire. Candles are a staple of the Judaic existence and, like many suburban residents before us, we're pretty bad Jews.
party ocean fall
I thought we had reached an understanding, the institution of marriage and I. Weddings are like the triathalon of female friendship: the Shower, the Bachelorette Party, and the Main Event. It's the Iron Woman and most people never make it through. They fall of their bikes and choke on ocean water.
grateful wine youth
Uniqueness is wasted on youth. Like fine wine or a solid flossing habit, you'll be grateful for it when you're older.
stars actors chic
Not all shabby is chic, just like not every porn actor is a star.
growing-up people like-you
As we grow up, it feels like you should either invite people into your life or not. There should be fewer and fewer instances of friends you ‘can only take in small doses.’
waiting sound happens
I spent a lot of time waiting for things to happen to me, which is more or less as pathetic as it sounds.
lonely people
A lot of people are lonely. A lot of people are lonely even when they're surrounded by other people.
logic remarkable
It's remarkable the logic we'll build around a misapprehension.
years noise complaints
I thought I'd had another few decades before my noise complaint years.
extremes
We are only as good as our most extreme experiences
art doctors definitions
As most doctors will tell you, cleansing is ridiculous. You know what's been around longer than that state-of-the-art juicer? Your kidneys. And your liver. Still, the cleanse has recalibrated my definition of a splurge.
crush ex-boyfriend dancing
Are there moments when I see unrequited crushes or ex-boyfriends slow dancing with their dates and kind of want to stab myself in the spleen with a salad fork? Yeah, sure.
thinking smell effort
You feel like telling him you're not single in the way that he thinks you're single. After all, you have yourself. I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.
girl new-york golf
Sometimes in New York, you're walking down the street and you realize there's a girl walking in front of you whose thighs you could hit a golf ball through, and maybe that makes you depressed.