Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
funny dog humor
A dog came to my door, so I gave him a bone, the dog took the bone into the back yard and buried it. I'm going to go plant a tree there, with bones on it, then the dog will come back and say, "Shoot! It worked! I must distribute these bones equally for I have a green paw!"
funny silly writing
I like when they say a movie is inspired by a true story. That's kind of silly. "Hey, Mitch, did you hear that story about that lady who drove her car into the lake with her kids and they all drowned?" "Yeah, I did, and you know what - that inspires me to write a movie about a gorilla!"
funny humor good-luck
Knock on wood is a saying for good luck. I think that started when someone went to someone's door to see if someone was home. "I hope Joe's home, knock on wood!"
funny humor dinner
If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, "Say thanks!"
funny humor two
I got two stools, in case I want to sit down and sit down again on something else.
funny dad humor
I have a Sharpie. I love Sharpies. You know what they say on them? Not for letter writing. That sucks. Now I have to communicate with my dad using numbers.
funny humor boys
I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That's simple. 14 year old boys working twelve hour days? "Yeah, but they're comfortable!"
funny strong humor
As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes. You're all happy at first, but then by the end, you're sick of 'em.
funny humor thinking
I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.
funny real humor
I read that MTV's Real World got 40,000 applications. That's amazing, such an even number. You would have thought it would be 40,008.
funny humor want-something
I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.
funny humor simple
I saw a lady on TV, she was born without arms. That's sad, but then they said, "Lola does not know the meaning of the word 'can't'." That, to me, is even worse in a way. Not only is she missing arms, but she doesn't understand simple contractions. It's easy, Lola - you just take two words, put them together, take out the middle letters, put in a comma, and you raise it up!
funny humor ice
If a drink was ice cold, it would be impossible to drink. Because it would be solid. Here's a drink, Mitch - it's ice cold. I guess I could lick it.
funny humor listening
XM radio doesn't have commercials, so after about thirty minutes of listening to it, I'm like, "What should I buy?"