Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor mean
We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes for the CD. You know what sweeten means, right? Sweeten is a show-biz term for "add sugar to".
funny humor men
I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is.
funny hate humor
I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like "I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!"
funny children husband
My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something is going on over there! I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy! Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right-on.
funny humor air
Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.
funny humor winning
I thought I'd go to a craft fair, and there would be a jar of jellybeans there - "Guess how many jellybeans are in this jar, and win a prize". Aw, come on, man, let just me have some. I'll tell you what, guess how many jellybeans I want! If you guessed a handful, you are right.
funny humor people
I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once... so I can make a cart.
funny humor cutting
You know they call corn-on-the-cob, "corn-on-the-cob", but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, corn-off-the-cob. It's not like if someone cut off my arm they would call it "Mitch", but then re-attached it, and call it "Mitch-all-together".
sports mean gatorade
I'm not into sports. I mean...I like Gatorade, but that's as far as it goes.
funny humor men
A friend said to me, "I think the weather is trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it's the way we perceive it." And then I realized I just should have said, "Yeah."
funny running humor
If you're watching a parade, don't follow it. It never changes. If the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You will fast-forward the parade.
drinking rocks sick
What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
funny humor home
I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.
funny humor hands
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.