Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor missing
If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.
funny humor shaving
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
funny humor comedy
I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.
funny humor kids
If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.
eye people bologna
Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.
funny humor pieces
Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.
love guy drug
I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
wall doors your-side
I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music... so when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say Go around I cannot open the wall I dunno if you have a door on your side but over here there's nothin'. It's just flat.
together
Mitch”, but then reattach it and call it “Mitch-all-together.
fall night clothes
Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.
ants grows farms
I got an ant farm; them fellas didn't grow sh*t.
necklaces upside-down let-me
I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.
sleep bags tortillas
A sleeping bag is a tortilla for a human.
funny humor sea
If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.