Justin Halpern
Justin Halpern
Justin Samuel Halpern is the American author of the Twitter feed "Shit My Dad Says" and the best-selling book Sh*t My Dad Says. He was also the co-writer and co-executive producer of a CBS television situation comedy series based on the book. His second book I Suck at Girls was published in 2012 and was the basis for the 2014 television show Surviving Jack...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionAuthor
Date of Birth3 September 1980
CountryUnited States of America
sick bullshit looks
You say you’re sick, huh? Well, it looks like you’ve come down with a case of bullshit.
worry bullshit dying
What Im trying to say is that what makes you up, its always been around, and it always will be around. So really the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living, dying is the easy part.
bullshit house tornadoes
You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.
feels i-can
I almost feel like I'm unoffendable now. I can roll with whatever.
sexy son league
That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.
book champion breakfast
Although Kurt Vonnegut may not be considered a humor writer, 'Breakfast of Champions' is one of the funniest books I've ever read.
teacher faces balls
Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.
nice home past
On Furnishing One's Home - Pick your furniture like you pick a wife; it should make you feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it they want to steal it.
kids writing angst
I was an angst-y journal writing kid.
book writing insane
Writing a book is incredibly pleasurable, but very solitary. You have total control, but sometimes that can drive you insane.
memories father wife
Before I proposed to my now-wife, I was understandably nervous. My father suggested that I take stock of all of my experiences and relationships with women, from my earliest memories to present day, and see if I had learned anything that might inform my decision.
dad book interesting
I feel like if I'm going to give you a book about my dad, then I really want to give you my dad, because he is interesting and he is funny and if you're buying a book about him, I don't want you to have to sit through stuff that's not him.
san-diego los-angeles herpes
Los Angeles is like San Diego's older, uglier sister that has herpes.
writing dumb way
There is no definitive guidebook on how to pick the right partner, and even if there were, I'm way too dumb to write it.