Justin Halpern
Justin Halpern
Justin Samuel Halpern is the American author of the Twitter feed "Shit My Dad Says" and the best-selling book Sh*t My Dad Says. He was also the co-writer and co-executive producer of a CBS television situation comedy series based on the book. His second book I Suck at Girls was published in 2012 and was the basis for the 2014 television show Surviving Jack...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionAuthor
Date of Birth3 September 1980
CountryUnited States of America
growing-up father book
I just wanted to compile these stories about growing up with my father and I wanted people to be able to enjoy them individually, but also the entire book as a whole.
book champion breakfast
Although Kurt Vonnegut may not be considered a humor writer, 'Breakfast of Champions' is one of the funniest books I've ever read.
book writing insane
Writing a book is incredibly pleasurable, but very solitary. You have total control, but sometimes that can drive you insane.
dad book interesting
I feel like if I'm going to give you a book about my dad, then I really want to give you my dad, because he is interesting and he is funny and if you're buying a book about him, I don't want you to have to sit through stuff that's not him.
loss winning kind
I kind of came to the conclusion after I did finally get married that love and relationships are just a series of horrific losses with hopefully one win.
worry prison gang
Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom.
people made
When it's asshole-tightening time, that's when you see what people are made of. Or at least what their asshole is made of.
creative garbage sweatpants
If it's not bourbon or sweatpants, it's going in the garbage.... No, don't get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.
inspirational feel-better ideas
You worry too much. Eat some bacon...what? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.
years nine pool
You go ahead. I'd rather not be shot out of a tube into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds' urine.
girl fall emotional
[The] majority of the girls working there had major emotional problems. And not cries-too-much emotional problems; more like stabs-her-boyfriend-with-a-steak-knife-then-falls-into-a-corner-and-starts-whispering-to-herself emotional problems.
sick bullshit looks
You say you’re sick, huh? Well, it looks like you’ve come down with a case of bullshit.
kids league laughing
On My Last-Place Finish in the 50-Yard Dash During Little League Tryouts “It kinda looked like you were being attacked by a bunch of bees or something. Then when I saw the fat kid with the watch who was timing you start laughing…. Well, I’ll just say it’s never a good sign when a fat kid laughs at you.
moving smell car
On My First Driving Lesson “First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell?…Okay, first thing before that first thing: Farting in a car that’s not moving makes you an asshole.