Joey Bishop
Joey Bishop
Joseph Abraham Gottlieb, known professionally as Joey Bishop, was an American entertainer who appeared on television as early as 1948 and eventually starred in his own weekly comedy series playing a talk show host, then later hosted a late night talk show. He later became a member of the "Rat Pack" with Frank Sinatra, Peter Lawford, Sammy Davis, Jr., and Dean Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionEntertainer
Date of Birth3 February 1918
CountryUnited States of America
thinking paper toilets
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.
thinking comedy kicks
The kick of comedy is to think quickly. It's a great kick.
cutting thinking hair
You can cut your hair how you want, but I think you should get to where you wear it normal for the future.
afford touched
My doctor is wonderful. Once, in 1955, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.
men guy relax
One time we were having dinner and some guy came by and took a potato off of Frank Sinatra's plate. And Frank said, “Hey pal, are you hungry?” The guy says, “yeah.” Frank said, “Sit down.” And he gave him his dinner. I thought for sure there was gonna be trouble from the guys surrounding Frank, but Frank says, “Jeez, relax, the man's hungry.”
chicago said bus
I love Chicago. I got on a bus and asked the driver, Do you go to the Loop? He said, No, I go beep-beep!
mother sunset hollywood-hills
You know how Van Nuys got its name? Well, one day my little old Jewish mother was visiting me, and I took her to the top of the Hollywood Hills and had her view the valley below just at sunset. Well, mama, what would you call that? And she said, Ver nize.
light red cop
A woman driver went through a red light. The cop stopped her and said, Lady, didn't you see that red light? The woman said, You've seen one, you've seen them all.
bottles would-be sense-of-humor
There are many things that I find attractive about a woman. Foremost to me, of course, would be a sense of humor-but that doesn't come in a bottle.
success baby sorry
I don't consider success doing a show for 30 years; I'm sorry. To me, you're successful when you graduate from something. I did a series, I did a talk show, I did movies, I replaced Mickey Rooney on Broadway in Sugar Babies. You understand?
morning home night
The president of a TV network generously agreed to take his company's aptitude test, a test required of all the personnel. He did badly. As a result he was in a sullen mood for the rest of the day. When he got home that night, his wife asked why he looked so grouchy. I took the company's aptitude test this morning. What did it show? asked the wife. It showed, boomed the executive, that such tests are idiotic. That's what it showed.
ceramics psycho study
The other day I started to take a course in psycho-ceramics. What is psycho-ceramics? It's the study of crackpots.
giving-up wife car
A salesman called on my wife the other day and tried to sell her a freezer. You'll save a fortune on your food bills, he promised. I can't tell you how much you'll save. It'll be tremendous. Said my wife: I'm sure you're right, but we're already saving a fortune with our new car by not taking the bus. We're saving a fortune with our new washing machine by not sending out the laundry. We're saving a fortune with our new dishwasher by giving up the maid. The plain truth is that right now we just can't afford to save any more!