Jenny Lawson
Jenny Lawson
Jennifer Lawsonis an American journalist, author and blogger...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionJournalist
CountryUnited States of America
safe calm plates
YOU are using a frisbee as a plate." "Uh, what? I'm not using a--oh hang on, this is a frisbee. Weird." Victor glared at me. "Dude, calm down, I'll wash it afterward. It's probably dishwasher safe.
facts internet realizing
I very much own the fact that I'm a misfit. The Internet makes everyone realize they're screwed up.
hurt book cat
Having your book edited is like watching your cat being operated on. It's uncomfortable and someone is probably going to get hurt. Most likely the cat. But in the end, things work out for the best and your cat is better it. And then your cat gets released in hardcover, and you have to read all of his reviews.
memories hate block
...pretty much everyone hates high school. It's a measure of your humanity, I suspect. If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both. Those things aren't mutually exclusive, you know. I've tried to block out the memory of my high school years, but no matter how hard you try, it's always with you, like an unwanted hitchhiker. Or herpes. I assume...
xanax normal energy
In short? It is exhausting being me. Pretending to be normal is draining and requires amazing amounts of energy and Xanax.
giving long house
A house should look lived in, and I consider it clean as long as I don't stick to it and it doesn't give me cholera.
doors phones police
I picked up the phone to call the police, but then I considered how it would sound when I told them that I was calling from inside my bathroom, where I’d OD’ed on laxatives, and that a possible rapist was quietly passing me notes under the bathroom door.
girlfriend weekend people
It's true, I did say I wanted girlfriends," I capitulated hesitantly, "but couldn't we start with something smaller and less terrifying? Like maybe spend a weekend at a crack house? I heard those people are very nonjudgmental, and if you accidentally say something offensive you can just blame it on their hallucinations.
doodling cougars
Meanwhile, I was doodling pictures of vampiric cougars.
real cancer latin
No," I replied testily. "I'm pretty sure 'digital' is Latin for 'fingeral,' so finger cancer equals digital cancer. This is all basic anatomy, Dr. Roland." The Dr. Roland told me that he thought I was overreacting, and the "fingeral" wasn't even a real word. Then I told him that I though he was underreacting, probably because he's embarrassed that he doesn't know how Latin works. Then he claimed that "underrecating" isn't a word either. The man has a terrible bedside manner.
Knock-knock, motherfucker.
mind homesick
Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn't actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind?
wizards sometimes curtains
I am the Wizard of Oz of housewives (in that I am both "Great and Terrible" and because I sometimes hide behind the curtains
lonely party successful
I once threw myself a surprise party on Twitter because I was lonely. It was awesome. Thousands of people showed up and then Wil Wheaton and I made a bunch of monkey-ponies. It was the most successful surprise party I've ever thrown in my life. It was also the only surprise party I've ever thrown in my whole life.