Jeff Ross
Jeff Ross
Jeffrey Ross Lifschultz, known professionally as Jeff Ross, is an American stand-up comedian, insult comic, actor and author. His skill in doing high-profile celebrity roasts and his appearances in Comedy Central's Roasts, have led him to be dubbed "The Roastmaster General." He has appeared in various film, television, and cartoon projects. He has made appearances at events for U.S. soldiers and directed a documentary film covering his experiences touring U.S. bases in Iraq...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth13 September 1965
CitySpringfield Township, NJ
CountryUnited States of America
I would vote for you for President but I'm against big government.
Last time I was in Canada Celine Dion had just given birth to identical twins. Which is quite an achievement given her age and face.
I think Jersey stands alone, and because I'm from Jersey, I never make fun of where people are from. I'll make fun of what they look like, but I'll never make fun of where they are from. Jersey is special.
You have such a huge career ... behind you.
Sometimes during my set I invite volunteers up on stage to get speed-roasted and I'm worried that I may have hundreds of people rushing the stage all at once. Luckily I'm a black belt in karate and I can fend them off.
Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?
My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.
When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.
With everybody having a Facebook and a Twitter, I feel like regular people consider themselves stars. It's a live, real-time upload of every time we buy a pair of socks, the most telling sign that we're losing our politeness. When you know everything about somebody, you can talk to them any way you please.
Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.
I usually have sex to my stand-up comedy album. Power move.
Comedy comes from pain, and no one knows that better than this woman Roseanne Barr—who was molested as a child. Uch. That poor molester. Roseanne never got over it. She felt violated. She had trust issues. She never got the candy he promised her.
I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.
Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.