Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck
Erma Louise Bombeckwas an American humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column that described suburban home life from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s. Bombeck also published 15 books, most of which became bestsellers. From 1965 to 1996, Erma Bombeck wrote over 4,000 newspaper columns, using broad and sometimes eloquent humor, chronicling the ordinary life of a midwestern suburban housewife. By the 1970s, her columns were read twice-weekly by 30 million readers of the 900 newspapers in the U.S...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionJournalist
Date of Birth21 February 1927
CityBellbrook, OH
CountryUnited States of America
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.