Chelsea Handler
Chelsea Handler
Chelsea Joy Handleris an American comedian, actress, writer, television host, and producer. She hosted a late-night talk show called Chelsea Lately on the E! network from 2007 to 2014, and released a documentary series, Chelsea Does, on Netflix in January 2016. In May 2016 she began her new talk show Chelsea on Netflix. In 2012, Time placed her on the list of its 100 Most Influential People...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 February 1975
CityLivingston, NJ
CountryUnited States of America
That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.
I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.
Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you're ready to have a baby.
If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.
The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack.
You don't mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don't want to be inside of.
Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends like that, and I think it's because it makes me look 'more together.
I would rather sit next to a transgender person and discuss why every single one I've met smells like a bar in the daytime than listen to people tell my why I want to have children and that I just don't know it yet. I do know, because I'm me and my feelings are the ones in my head. I don't want to have kids, and it's not a device to get attention or have conversations about it. I simply find children incredibly immature and, more often than not, dumb.
Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.
What about your constitutional right to bear arms, you say. I would simply point out that you don’t have to exercise a constitutional right just because you have it. You have the constitutional right to run for president of the United States, but most people have too much sense to insist on exercising it.
There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather.
ONE OF MY girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern.
Then they have the audacity to go shopping and pick out their own gifts. I want to know who the first person was who said this was okay. After spending all that money on a bachelorette weekend, a shower, and often a flight across the country, they expect you to go to Williams Sonoma or Pottery Barn and do research? Then they send you a thank-you note applauding you for such a thoughtful gift. They're the one who picked it out!