Carol Leifer
Carol Leifer
Carol Leiferis a four-time Emmy Award-winning American comedian, writer, producer and actress whose career as a stand-up comedian started in the 1970s when she was in college. David Letterman discovered her performing in a comedy club in the 1980s and she has since been a guest on Late Night with David Letterman over twenty-five times as well as numerous other shows and venues. She has written many television scripts including for The Larry Sanders Show, Saturday Night Live and most...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionScreenwriter
Date of Birth27 July 1956
CityEast Williston, NY
CountryUnited States of America
Obviously, at this age, I've lost people in my life. But with a parent, it's just different. I was very attached to my father and had this naive little-girl notion that he'd always be around. So I'm finding acceptance of my father's death is the hardest thing to accept.
When you're single again, at the beginning you're very optimistic and you say, 'I want to meet someone who's really smart, really sweet, really sensitive.' And six months later you're like, 'Lord, any mammal with a day job.
Some people have their marriages annulled, which means they never existed. Boy, talk about denial! What do you say when people see your wedding album? 'Oh that was just some play I was in.
If you thought you didn't like some people on land...
Women in the workplace - we still have big strides to make. Girlfriend of mine just got a new job. First question the new boss asked her was if she could make a good cup of coffee... Yeah, she stormed right out of that Starbucks.
You can never go wrong betting on Americans' bad eating habits. So I've made a ton investing in all fast food chains, while at the same time investing in Dockers, spandex, Spanx, and sweatpants. Basically, anything with an elastic waistband is a goldmine.
When you lie about your age, the terrorists win.
Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.
Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.
Women, stop buying the lingerie. Stop buying it right now. Oh, it's a big rip off. Oh my god, $18 bucks for panties this big? Come on, one trip through the dryer, and it's a frilly bookmark.
When do we put on the lingerie? Always at the beginning of the relationship - first couple of months, strutting around the bedroom wearing a teddy. Yeah, six months later, you've stopped shaving your legs and you look like a teddy.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.
My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.