Bill Burr
Bill Burr
William Frederic "Bill" Burr is an American comedian, writer, and actor. He is best known for his stand-up comedy specials. He is also known for being the host of Bill Burr's Monday Morning Podcast, playing Patrick Kuby in the AMC crime drama series Breaking Bad, and starring in the Netflix animated sitcom F Is for Family as Frank Murphy. In 2013, The New York Times wrote that Burr "has been one of the funniest, most distinctive voices in the country...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth10 June 1968
CityCanton, MA
CountryUnited States of America
Deny your emotions and act like you have answers
My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.
Do you know how many times a week people ask me why I'm yelling?
Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.
Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?
Some guy workin' at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can't do it, because whores don't care about lumber.
We need a plague. It's gotta happen. And don't worry, it's only gonna kill the weak. Seriously. Put on a sweater, take some vitamins, you're gonna be fine! We gotta let mother nature do her thing, man. She keeps trying to help us out and we won't let her do it.
If you're on social media as a performer you can tell. If you don't get any Tweets you know it's bombed. I can pretty much gauge how it's doing by comparing the reception to shows I've done that have actual ratings.
People should be happy to see you when you show up to a club because you're a good person. And stop caring about what the industry is "looking for". Just say what you think is funny. .
I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?
My neighbor's not even listening to me. He's all excited about some garden hose he bought at Brookstone. He's convinced it was designed by NASA. "Actually, it's got two nozzles, one for the hot and one for the..." Really? Is it long enough to go around both our necks and the chimney so we can tandem jump off of this? That's all I really care about you and your little garden hose.
[Nazi] copied stuff from us for their "final solution" but we get to walk around like we're the good guys.
God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?
If I get married I get a tax break, if I have a kid I get a tax break, if I get a mortgage I get a tax break. I don't have any kids and I drive a hybrid, I think I should get a tax break. I'm trying to pay off my apartment so I have something tangible. I actually figured out if I paid off my place my reward would be that I would pay an extra four grand a year in taxes.