Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionNovelist
Date of Birth24 June 1842
CityMeighs County, OH
CountryUnited States of America
Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.
ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.
APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider
ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.
BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.
DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.
DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.
TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.
REACH, n. The radius of action of the human hand. The area within which it is possible (and customary) to gratify directly the propensity to provide.
JESTER, n. An officer attached to the king's household to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances . . . the king's own conduct and decrees [being] sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all mankind.
LAOCOON, n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of two enormous serpents. The skill and diligence with which the old man and lads support the serpents and keep them up to their work have been justly regarded as one of the noblest artistic illustrations of the mastery of human intelligence over brute inertia.
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.
When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.