Famous Quotes & Sayings

David Letterman

President Obama is in China. Also in China is evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. They're both in China at the same time. It's like running into your ex-girlfriend on vacation.

David Letterman

The Bush campaign for re-election has officially begun. They're actually running television commercials. Have you seen any of the television commercials? In one of the commercials, you see George Bush for thirty seconds. In another commercial, you get to see George Bush for sixty seconds - kind of like his stint in the National Guard.

David Letterman

By accident Jeb Bush announced that he was running for president. And then he said, 'No, not yet. OK, I made a mistake.' And then later in the day, by accident, he called Hillary and congratulated her.

David Letterman

Former President Bill Clinton is on the program tonight. He says that while his wife runs for president, he would like to stay out of the limelight. Well, he's certainly come to the right place. He'll be fine here.

David Letterman

Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.

David Letterman

Mitt Romney is not going to run for president. Mitt said it's time for fresh faces. So that's good news for Bruce Jenner.

David Letterman

Donald Trump is talking about running for president. He hasn't made an announcement, but I want to tell you something. The fake suspense is killing me.

David Letterman

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.

David Letterman

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.

David Letterman

I pulled a hamstring during the New York City Marathon. An hour into the race, I jumped off the couch...

David Letterman

Dingoes, jackals, skunks, vipers and weasel are now illegal in New York City. Well great, who's going to run CBS?

David Letterman

Here's why Sarah Palin says she won't be running for president. She says she can be more effective at getting others elected by not running. And I thought, well, that's true, because in 2008 she got Obama elected.

David Letterman

Texas Senator Ted Cruz announced he is running for president. Ted Cruz was born in Canada, his father fled to the United States from Cuba, and yet Ted Cruz is against immigration. Isn't that odd?

David Letterman

Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on the street.

David Letterman

Guess who's running for president? Jeb Bush. Jeb was governor of Florida and he speaks fluent Spanish, which raises the question: What language did his brother speak? What was that?

David Letterman

Mitt Romney is not going to be running for president. So you know what that means. We are getting closer and closer to 'President Trump.'

David Letterman

Mitt Romney is running for president again. That will be attempt No. 3. Well, everybody needs a hobby. He's almost certainly running, and I'm almost certainly retiring, so I don't care.

David Letterman

Paul Ryan announced that after a lot of thought, and talking it over with family and friends, that he is not going to run for president in 2016. I'm telling you, this announcement sent shock waves through no one.

David Letterman

Jeb Bush may run for President. Bush presidencies are like 'Caddyshack' movies. They should have stopped with one.

David Letterman

Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me.

David Letterman

Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family.

David Letterman

Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know.

David Gest

But when alcohol comes in, start running. Because there's a demon there, and it goes back to her childhood.

David Bolinsky

Each of us has about 100,000 [kinesins] running around, right now, inside each one of your 100 trillion cells. So no matter how lazy you feel, you're not really intrinsically doing nothing.

David Bohm

In the long run, it is far more dangerous to adhere to illusion than to face what the actual fact is.

David Bohm

Thought runs you. Thought, however, gives false info that you are running it, that you are the one who controls it. Whereas actually thought is the one which controls each one of us.

David Jeremiah

Once we begin chasing approval, we never stop running. It's servitude to a thousand masters instead of one to please.

David Einhorn

When people ask me what I do for a living, I generally tell them 'I run a hedge fund.' The majority give me a strange look, so I quickly add, 'I am a money manager.' When the strange look persists, as it often does, I correct it to simply, 'I'm an investor.' Everyone knows what that is.

David Eddings

Events are like horses. Sometimes they run away. After they've run for a while, though, they'll start to walk again. Then there'll be a time to put everything together.

David Benioff

Hollywood screenwriters tend to have the longevity of NFL running backs. So the truth is no one can put more pressure on us than we put on ourselves.

David Ben-Gurion

Terrorism benefits the Arabs, it may lay waste the Yishuv and shake Zionism. But to follow in the Arabs' footsteps and ape their deeds is to be blind to the gulf between us. Our aims and theirs run counter: methods calculated to further theirs, are ruinous to us.

David Ben-Gurion

The Arabs of the land of Israel [ Palestinians] have only one functionleft to them -- to run away.

David Baltimore

I think we can allow the therapeutic uses of nuclear transplant technology, which we call cloning, without running the danger of actually having live human beings born.