Famous Quotes & Sayings

Ally Carter

It's every little girl's dream," she said. "Interpol surveillance. And kittens.

Ally Carter

Don't let two men fall in love with you, girls. It's not the sort of thing that ends well." -Uncle Charles

Ally Carter

I could have lied. I could have fought. But desperate times call for desperate measures, so I took a chance and called upon a Gallagher Girl's weapon of last resort. I flirted

Allegra Huston

I was not a Southern California girl. I hated having my photograph taken. I felt shy and embarrassed around famous people.

Alison Pill

And so getting to meet Aubrey Plaza and Mae Whitman and getting to know two awesome girls who are just kick-ass. It's been nice that way where we probably wouldn't have worked together on any other crazy project. And just like you know Chris Evans teaching us all the high-five because he's dealing with like non-jocks (laughter) and we're like yeah!

Alison Lurie

the fashion pages of magazines such as Cosmopolitan now seem to specialize in telling the career girl what to wear to charm the particular wrong type of man who reads Playboy, while the editorial pages tell her how to cope with the resulting psychic damage.

Alison Lurie

Attempts to limit female mobility by hampering locomotion are ancient and almost universal. The foot-binding of upper-class Chinese girls and the Nigerian custom of loading women's legs with pounds of heavy brass wire are extreme examples, but all over the world similar stratagems have been employed to make sure that once you have caught a woman she cannot run away, and even if she stays around she cannot keep up with you. ... Literally as well as figuratively modern women's shoes are what keeps Samantha from running as fast as Sammy.

Anthony Jeselnik

I'm trying to teach my girlfriend how to surf. But I just end up yelling at her the whole time. Because I don't know how to surf.

Anthony Jeselnik

My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex. We're not even that loud. But he used to date my girlfriend.

Anthony Jeselnik

When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I'm happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.

Anthony Jeselnik

I had to break up with my last girlfriend for lying about being raped by her neighbor. But I've met her neighbor, he's a cool guy. Not like her other creepy ass neighbor though...

Anthony Jeselnik

I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.

Anthony Jeselnik

I feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it.

Anthony Jeselnik

I'm getting pretty worried. My girlfriend hasn't gotten her period. And she's already 14.

Anthony Jeselnik

My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?

Anthony Jeselnik

I prefer to sleep with deaf girls. Those crazy chicks never have a safe word.

Anthony Jeselnik

The best way to break up with a girl is like I'm taking off a band-aid. Slowly and in the shower.

Anthony Jeselnik

I don't have a type, really. But I've always been more attracted to girls who yell fire.

Anthony Jeselnik

I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic.

Anthony Jeselnik

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.

Anthony Jeselnik

This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.

Anthony Jeselnik

My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.

Anthony Jeselnik

Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

Anthony Jeselnik

I want to marry the kind of girl that walks out of an abortion clinic with a lollipop.

Anthony Jeselnik

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.

Anthony Jeselnik

My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She's always eating chocolate, and she likes to joke she's got a chocolate addiction. Get me away from those Hersheys bars. I'm addicted to them. It's really annoying. So I put her in a car and I drove her downtown. And I pointed out a crack addict. And I said, Do you see that, honey?... Why can't you be that skinny?

Anthony Jeselnik

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

Anthony Jeselnik

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

Ann Hood

We were a family that made our Halloween costumes. Or, more accurately, my mother made them. She took no suggestions or advice. Halloween costumes were her territory. She was the brain behind my brothers winning girl costume, stuffing her own bra with newspapers for him to wear under a cashmere sweater and smearing red lipstick on his lips.

Ann Brashares

Show me a girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show you a girl who can't put her pants on. -Annik Marchand

Ann Brashares

What can I say? I'm obsessed. And as we all know obsessed girls can't be held responsible for our actions.

Ann Brashares

As much as I'm drawn to writing about teenage girls, I like the idea of having the freedom to branch out and write about different ages, for different ages.

Ann Brashares

If you didn't have a choice, you had to make a choice. If you didn't have options, you made some. You couldn't just let this world happen to you... he didn't see eternity. He saw this girl and this moment and this one slim chance.