Quotes about fun
funny dog humorous
If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge? Jerry Seinfeld
funny flower squirrels
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
funny dog crazy
You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. "There's a quarter...."
funny family children
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
funny motivational death
According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
funny witty humorous
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
funny witty laughter
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
funny mafia irs
The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
funny men support
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
funny nba talking
I don't have the first clue who he is talking about, because all I worry about is Jerome. Jerome James
funny humorous school
I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since. Jerome K. Jerome
funny humorous aunt
Swearing relieves the feelings - that is what swearing does. I explained this to my aunt on one occasion, but it didn't answer with her. She said I had no business to have such feelings.
funny sweet time
Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.
funny work humorous
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
funny dog silly
They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.
funny stupid silly
It is so pleasant to come across people more stupid than ourselves. We love them at once for being so.
funny truth liars
It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.
fun race might
My time at Honda was amazing. Some of my best times in Formula One, actually. I might not have won races, just one race, but I had a lot of fun. Jenson Button
fun dad laughter
I think the main thing that affected my comedy was that my dad slept in a nightgown for most of my childhood. And it was just very funny every single night and made me realize that laughter is fun and nightgowns are cool. Jenny Slate
fun practice months
Live shows are fun - sometimes. But you have to practice for months on end. Jeff Lynne
funny thinking two
You ever mix two different groups of friends? That can be stressful. You always feel like you have to prep 'em. You're like, "These people over here, uh, they don't think I drink. And don't be thrown by my British accent." Jim Gaffigan
funny humor ice
I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."
funny school humor
Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"
funny humor glasses
I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!"
funny humor two
I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?"
funny humor water
I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like "Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it."
funny book humor
Every now and then I'll read a book, I'll be so proud of myself, I'll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, "Hey Jim, how ya do-" "I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages!" "That's great, what was it about?" "No idea! Took me three years!"
funny humor ideas
I was looking at a bottle of water; they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but I have a rough idea what's in water.
funny humor writing
Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: "I still live near you!" The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.
funny humor jail
That's why when I send a postcard I quiz people. "Hey, did you get that postcard?" "Yeah, yeah yeah." "Well what'd I say?" "Uh, you were havin-" "I was in jail"
funny humor hey
You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! "Hey I got a - who cares."
funny dream humor
It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"
funny humor blue
Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like "Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much."