Quotes about fun
funny worship neighbor
I'd worship the ground you walked on if only you walked in a better neighborhood. Billy Wilder
funny sarcastic truth
If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.
fun would-be shame
One of the reasons I still do stand-up is because it was so hard in the beginning that I feel like it would be such a shame not to redeem it that it's all fun. Bill Maher
fundraising people tuesday
Rick Santorum beat Mitt Romney in three states on Tuesday. Got a huge amount of fundraising. That's the good news for Rick Santorum. The bad news: people are now Googling 'Santorum.'
funny humor cowboy
A new cologne is coming out. It's for cowboys, and it's made from cow's manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
fun should-have giving
John Kerry is finding out that it is no fun to be the front runner, that's when you get all the heat. He had to deny internet rumors this week that he had Botox treatments. The Republicans say Kerry should have a clear, unfurrowed brow the old fashioned way by not giving a sh--.
funny lying science
I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It's also been lying about its weight.
funny people retail time worked
When you think about it, a lot of people have worked at retail at some time in their lives. And even if you haven't, all of us have had funny or frustrating experiences in stores.
funny humor thinking
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding. Steven Wright
funeral denmark-in-hamlet hamlet-and-ophelia
Thrift, thrift, Horatio! The funeral bak'd meats did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables. William Shakespeare
funny inspiration law
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
funny-things stuff online
There's nothing that beats proving you're funny by making a funny thing, and right now there are huge outlets for that, with You Tube and all the other stuff online. Louis C. K.
fun struggle writing
There's a need to perfect things in a writers' room, and that can take a lot of fun out of a show sometimes. It's a struggle. It depends on your personality. Some people love working with a writing staff. I had a great writing staff on Lucky Louie, but it sometimes felt like Congress or something.
funny girl years
For years, Blockbuster Video has edited movies. Like The Bad Lieutenant, when he's masturbating while the girls in the car are doing the thing. I rented it from Blockbuster and sped to that scene, and it was gone. I called up Blockbuster, and I'm like, "I got an erection, and the scene's not there."
funny phones complaining
I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the phone rang, and I thought it's them, they're complaining. ... "Sir, could you please stop?"
funny sex two
If I found myself alone on planet Earth, no other humans, I would have sex with a monkey in like two minutes. Two minutes. That's really not long enough to be sure you're alone on the Earth, even. That's like... I walk outside, it's- there's not much traffic. "Oh, my God, it's just me! I'm gonna have sex with a monkey right now. Oh, no-there's a person."
funny nice race
Why can't we have racism that's ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are positive about race. You could say, "Those Chinese people, they can fly!" "You know about the Puerto Ricans? They're made of candy!"
funny hate fighting
I love being married. It's great. But I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier; it goes quicker. She's like, "What's wrong with you?" And I'm like, "I know! Damn it! Argh!"
funny daughter children
One time I was at a swimming pool with my kids, a public pool. I had my daughter, my six year old, on my arm like this. She was like clamped on, and she's kicking. ... And then she got off and another random child just clamped on. It's like a rat. "Get off of me." "But I love you." "I don't know you, kid."
funny thinking white
People are too afraid of uptown. A lot of people will tell you, like, "Don't go to Harlem. You can never go there. 'Cause as soon as you get there, they kill you." That's what people think. As soon as you arrive in Harlem, someone just stabs you in the face right away. That's people's image of Harlem: just everyone standing around waiting for lost white people to kill all day. "Did you see any? I didn't either."
fun experience happens
It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.
funny america work-out
America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.
funny romantic sick
If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.
funny movie jesus
I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'
funny daughter mouths
Last week I got a flu that I caught, 'cause my daughter coughed... into my mouth.
funny hurt sorry
Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone's getting hurt.
fun thinking trying
You have to be able to do a bunch of things at once, and not think about things you're not doing while you're doing other things. You have to be disciplined about not trying to do everything, all at the same time. It's hard and fun.
funny eye who-i-am
Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'.
funny thinking tuna
You ever go to shop for tuna, and it says "dolphin safe", and you look at it and kind of go, "Yeah, but"-like somehow you think it's not going to be as good? Like, "I want to do the right thing-but it's probably kind of bland without the dolphin."
fun war tennis
They were adored by the Germans, who thought they were exactly what Englishmen ought to be. They made war look stylish and reasonable, and fun... They were dressed half for battle, half for tennis or croquet. Kurt Vonnegut
funny compassion feelings
All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity. Mark Twain
funny witty memories
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. Josh Billings
funny nba espn
The new moron in town is Chad Ford of ESPN.com. Mark Cuban