Famous Quotes & Sayings

Larry Davis

In every game before Christmas except the Asheville game, we played well, but we had games in the second half down the stretch where we lost our poise a little bit. We didn't get shots we wanted. We overreacted.

Burl Ives

Have a holly jolly Christmas!

Johann Lamont

I've taught fifth-year Christmas leavers last thing on a Friday afternoon. Basically, if you can face that you can face anything.

Glenn Beck

Everyone wants to feel loved, but when all you feel is alone it's tough to accomplish anything else.

Gilbert K. Chesterton

If a man called Christmas Day a mere hypocritical excuse for drunkenness and gluttony, that would be false, but it would have a fact hidden in it somewhere. But when Bernard Shaw says the Christmas Day is only a conspiracy kept up by poulterers and wine merchants from strictly business motives, then he says something which is not so much false as startling and arrestingly foolish. He might as well say that the two sexes were invented by jewellers who wanted to sell wedding rings.

Gilbert K. Chesterton

Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

Jean Baudrillard

A woman spent all Christmas Day in a telephone box without ringing anyone. If someone comes to phone, she leaves the box, then resumes her place afterwards. No one calls her either, but from a window in the street, someone watched her all day, no doubt since they had nothing better to do. The Christmas syndrome.

Mo Rocca

I love the excess of Christmas. The shopping season that begins in September, the bad pop star recordings of Christmas carols, the decorations that don't know when to come down.

Mo Rocca

Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.

Milton Berle

War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.

Milton Berle

There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.

Milton Berle

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

Milton Berle

I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.

Milton Berle

I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

Milton Berle

I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.

Milton Berle

I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.

Milton Berle

I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?

Milton Berle

I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift."

Milton Berle

In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.

Milton Berle

My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

Milton Berle

I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.

Milton Berle

At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.

Milton Berle

Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.

Milton Berle

My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.

Milton Berle

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

Milton Berle

I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.

Milton Berle

My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.

Milton Berle

My son gave me a nice bottle of cologne - Eau de Owe.

Milton Berle

She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.

Milton Berle

Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.

Milton Berle

Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.

Milton Berle

One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?

Milton Berle

My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.