Famous Quotes & Sayings

Charles Simmons

He who feasts every day, feasts no day.

Dave Barry

In Spain, attempting to obtain a chicken salad sandwich, you wind up with a dish whose name, when you look it up in your Spanish-English dictionary, turns out to mean: Eel with big abcess.

Catherine Bertini

We need a new definition of malnutrition. Malnutrition means under- and over-nutrition. Malnutrition means emaciated and obese.

Bryan Q. Miller

The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill.

Kathleen Blanco

The power is out, the phones are down and there is no food or water, and many trees are down.

Niger Innis

The slaves had food stamps, too. It was called 'scraps from Massa's table.'

Kurt Vonnegut

It is harder to be unhappy when you are eating.

Ed Begley, Jr.

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare.

David Hume

Virtue, like wholesome food, is better than poisons, however corrected.

Charles Caleb Colton

Expect not praise without envy until you are dead.

Charles Dickens

There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all men, without the smallest reference to the furniture of their pockets.

Charles Simmons

Good Humor is the best shield against the darts of satirical raillery

Alan Watts

The reason we want to go on and on is because we live in an impoverished present.

Alan Moore

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

David Sedaris

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

Dave Barry

England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

Dave Barry

English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.

Dave Barry

The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar..

Alan Jackson

Tonight I'm the designated drinker.

David Strickland

I would never have discovered alcohol.

Catherine the Great

You should know our mania for building is stronger than ever. It is a diabolical thing. It consumes money and the more you build, the more you want to build. It's a sickness like being addicted to alcohol.

Pete Smith

We believe that these people would just contact these girls. They would look for a wayward girl on the street, possibly down and out. They would play into those insecurities. They would bring them back to this residence, ply them with alcohol ? and then eventually bring them in and train them in the craft of prostitution.

Noel Wells

I'm sure there have been a lot of boys I've chased over the years that has been fueled by alcohol and stupidity. But that's kind of how things happen - sometimes you have to do something really stupid, and sometimes it works out, and sometimes you fall flat on your face.

Billy Joel

We drown our doubts in dry champagne and soothe our souls with fine cocaine. I don't know why I even care, we get so high and get nowhere.

Edith Sitwell

Another little drink wouldn't do us any harm.

Arthur Rimbaud

Stronger than alcohol, vaster than poetry, Ferment the freckled red bitterness of love!

Ed Helms

Alcohol causes conflicts, firearms resolve conflicts.