Famous Quotes & Sayings

Alan Thicke

If one tends to be a humorous person and you have a sense of humor the rest of your life then you can certainly lighten the load, I think, by bringing that to your trials and tribulations. It's easy to have a sense of humor when everything is going well.

Charlie Chaplin

Quebec from the boat looked like the ramparts where Hamlet's ghost might have walked.

Charlie Chaplin

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

Charles Dickens

There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all men, without the smallest reference to the furniture of their pockets.

David Sedaris

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

Dave Barry

England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

Dave Barry

English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.

Dave Barry

The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar..

Dave Barry

The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.

Bob Dylan

I was lookin' high an' low for them Reds everywhere, I was lookin' in the sink an' underneath the chair. I looked way up my chimney hole, I even looked deep inside my toilet bowl.

Orson Scott Card

The only process you've mastered is the process of elimination, and the only reason you've mastered that is because you can do it in the toilet.

Bill Cosby

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.

Becca Fitzpatrick

She cleans a toilet inside and out under a minute. More like terrifying

Andy Warhol

I will go to the Opening of Anything, including a Toilet Seat

Carolyn Heilbrun

You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care.

Cassandra Clare

It's the mortal cup Jace, not the mortal toilet bowl.

Jack Kevorkian

I'd find it demeaning to be cleaning toilets.

Seth Green

The chili I ate made for an explosive bathroom experience. I don't know how to put this delicately, but I missed the toilet entirely.

Stephen Colletti

I'm the type of guy if there's a haunted hotel in town, I'm staying there and will stay up all night waiting to get the crap scared out of me.

Tim Parmeter

The only downside was that we started the second half with the same crap we've been doing. We had turnovers on our first four possessions, and all a sudden, our lead goes from 18 to 11.

Bea Arthur

You know, I spend most of my life turning things down. There's a lot of crap out there.

Brian K. Vaughan

I just make crap up more than anything else.

Tyra Banks

I don't think cellulite is great - that's not a flaw that I want in a photo by any means! I retouch that crap out. But I tell women that I'm retouching it out.

Jessica Foley

She's got a pretty mean stare on her. She's got big shoulders, she's strong, and she doesn't take any crap on the court. She was not the person I wanted to be guarding in practice my freshman year. I was intimidated by her.

Shawn Scobee

We're just starting to hit the crap out of the ball.

John Heimlich

Fuel prices are the difference between record profitability (for some airlines) and a year of crappy losses.

Reed Baker

I feel pretty crappy right now, but we had a good shot at it. I was getting past my guy and drawing help every time. The shots just weren't falling.