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funny humorous mind
I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it. Charles Dickens
funny morning self
All knives and forks were working away at a rate that was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to eat his utmost, in self defence, as if a famine were expected to set in before breakfast-time to-morrow morning, and it had become high time to assert the first law of nature. Charles Dickens
funny death witty
He would make a lovely corpse. Charles Dickens
funny kings humorous
It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions. Charles Dickens
funny people literature
Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people. Charles Dickens
funny christmas xmas
Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home! Charles Dickens
funny law people
If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers. Charles Dickens
funny marriage wedding
Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner. Charles Caleb Colton
funny age fifty
I'm aiming by the time I'm fifty to stop being an adolescent. Charles Caleb Colton
retirement solitude world
That theatrical kind of virtue, which requires publicity for its stage, and an applauding world for its audience, could not be depended on, in the secrecy of solitude, or the retirement of a desert. Charles Caleb Colton
retirement women flower
Pleasure is to a woman what the sun is to the flower: if moderately enjoyed, it beautifies, it refreshes, and it improves; if immoderately, it withers, deteriorates, and destroys. But the duties of domestic life, exercised as they must be in retirement, and calling forth all the sensibilities of the female, are perhaps as necessary to the full development of her charms, as the shade and the shower are to the rose, confirming its beauty, and increasing its fragrance. Charles Caleb Colton
retirement long albums
As long as I'm still able to have a hit on the radio and sell a few albums and some tickets, I don't see that it would be worth retiring. Alan Jackson
retirement thinking insecurity
You need some insecurity if you're an actor. It keeps the pot boiling. I haven't yet started to think about retiring. I was shocked when I heard about Paul Newman retiring at age 82. Most actors just fade away like old soldiers. Al Pacino
retirement program congress
I don't disagree with ending Congress' retirement program. I'm a governor, I don't have a retirement program in my state, and I don't disagree with that. Chris Christie
retirement years careers
One state retiree, 49 years old, paid, over the course of his entire career, a total of $124,000 towards his retirement pension and health benefits. What will we pay him? $3.3 million in pension payments over his life and nearly $500,000 for health care benefits - a total of $3.8m on a $120,000 investment. Chris Christie
retirement happy-life golfers
While I am flattered about the speculation of being enticed out of retirement, I'm happy with life as a bad golfer! Chipper Jones
retirement home long
I hope I'm not sitting on a bench in a retirement home talking about what was: "Oh, I worked with this guy and that guy." I hope I'm still doing it for a really long time. David Krumholtz
retirement uncles home
You must prepare yourselves, young people, because Uncle Dave's generation is getting old. We are almost ready to go to the retirement home to spend the rest of our days tapping our bedpans rhythmically in time to "easy listening" rock 'n' roll. We must pass the torch on to you, and you must grasp it, ideally by the end that is not on fire. Dave Barry
golf wanted realised
I always wanted to be a golfer, only I realised that if I'd played golf I would have been skint. Alan Hansen
golf swings perfect
Is there such a thing as a technically perfect swing? If there is, I have yet to see it. David Leadbetter
golf swings goal
Your final goal is to convert your athletic swing to pure instinct rather than conscious thought. David Leadbetter
golf looks terrible
I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else. Dave Barry
golf balls want
You can, legally, possibly hit and kill a fellow golfer with a ball, and there will not be a lot of trouble because the other golfers will refuse to stop and be witnesses because they will want to keep playing. Dave Barry
golf self expression
If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%? In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf. Dave Barry
golf hitting balls
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Dave Barry
golf talking interesting
Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart. Dave Barry
golf balls swamps
Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it. Buddy Hackett